what sort of mother are you?

i saw something really bad once after school.
tehre was a small boy, around 5 i'd say. prep. his mother - very young, was riding a bike and attached was a leash, connected to this young boy. who in the right mind could expect the young boy to be able to catch up with his mum, who was riding fast, on the road. surrounded by cars.

it was shocking.

and as if she wasnt doing anything wrong, she turned around and said to the young boy
"HURRY UP YOU F*CKING SON. I DONT HAVE ALL DAY"
The boy was soo helpless, so small, too scared to speak up, so instead tried to run faster before the leash pulled him to the ground. He had a big bag on as well. he wanted to cry, but he didnt. he was puffing. he was tired.
his mum then discarded her cigerette onto the road, where he was running. so that she may ride faster.

and so i couldnt help but cry for this little boy. he was the smallest kid ever. big eyes, brown hair, uniform too big for him.and he just ran, as if he was used to it.

i wished i had the courage to speak up and say something -but i dont cause i suck at this social justice stuff. or just stab that bike.
cause although there are many things happening in this world that are far worse, a child shouldnt live a life where his own mother cannot love him. he should have an actual childhood of fun and laughter, not taunting memories of his junkie 'mother'.

so to him:
i hope you are well. and dont follow your mother's footsteps when you grow older. work hard in school, get a good job, stay healthy and stay strong, dont smoke. and although your mother is a bitch, at the end of the day, she's still forked out money for you to go to school. that MUST mean something right? if that is all she can offer you, make use of it.
and maybe one day, you can return the favour. God bless

waiting to get uncapped

what to do what to do. i dont want to go through it again
cbf but i cant help it. i suck at making the right decisions. i hate it when i have two options but i choose the wrong one. but i cant help it.
i should, but i wont. i know, but i cant. i have to, but i dont.

*stab

VCE and family e,
shinde kudasai. soshite, anata no family tree mo shinde kudasai. arigatou.
uyen yori

got my japanese practise sac back today. thank god it was a practise haha. when sensei came to talk to me i dunno why but i just cried. i dont belong in that class lol. at the start of the year, my horoscopes said that if i dont focus on my weaknesses, it will be my downfall. and omg its so right. but its so hard with japaense. you cant jst sit down and study it. you ahve to use it, expose yourself to it. godammit. cbf with that shit man.
and i realise that i REALLY suck at general conversation. i find it ok to talk about like...technology or japaense food, culture, shoes, holidays etc. BUT I SUCK MAJORLY AT TALKING BAOUT MYSELF. probs cuase im so boring. all i could get out was twilight, bones, im very busy in yr 12, yr 12 is hard, i had a pet roast chicken. T_T

and i have shit vocab. so i cant really talk about myself properly. meh.

i got my mid years back. double meh. numbed it out of my brain HAHA. never knew a letter on paper could mean so much. at least i didnt get a D. i was dreading that. I NEED A GOOD UMAT NOWWW. i wish we got htese resutls earlier. so id take umat more seriously. studied earlier TT_TT. aish

but i was reflecting (yes i reflect) and i realised i need better exam strategy. cuase i go in tehre, zoom through the exam, take a break then just read over my answers. and i really need to take multiple choice more seriously. i cbfed and guessed a few of them in the exam. and i need to study more seriously.
lst year and this year it was reading notes then doing practise exams, congratulating myself for the questions i got correct, and telling hte ones i got wrong TO GO DIEEEE.
it was pretty amusing actually.

until the results came.
at lesat im motivated now. hope it lasts the last few months.

I SAW ECLIPSE AGAIN. hottest shit ever. riley and edward (L) riley was cast really well. god. why did he have to die TT_TT

and you knwo what ticks me off. when guys blame everything on PMS. ITS SOO ANNOYING. cant girls have emotions too? gosh. like..has it ever occured to you dude that you just might be an asshole? yeah. think about it.

but yes. Eclipse was good.