two faces, three faces, four

i was trying to start my study but after i read the first page my mind started wandering.
what am i doing in pharmacy? what are you doing in science? what are you doing in marketing? what are you doing in arts? what are you doing in law?
is it becuase you want to? how do you know this is what you want to do?
i dont know how to put it into words, but imagine if your life was in the hands of fate. and fate had you set on a path that is perfect for you. would you be where you are rightnow?
what if youre up for a mediocre career in psychology when you would have been a stellar fashion designer? what if you settle for love in melbourne when you would have found your soul mate in montreal?
and theres no way for you to know. every aspect of your life is a what if. every ticking second is an opportunity gone by. and its an opportunity we dont even know of becuase we dont undersatnd what we're waiting for.

but sidetrack aside, i need a new book to read. a new world to delve into becuase i cbf with my own.

speaking of myself, i was reading my 2011 journal before. it was strange. i just deleted two paragraphs. hahahaa dont want to post that shit. goes back to the factthat my blog is public.
i will put it out there though that i really dont appreciate two faced people. i really dont. if you hate someone, go ahead let them know honey. sure eveyrones going through issues and we should all be nice to each other etc. blahdiblah, but people can handle a little hate, it smuch better then handling someone who cant even be honest in their expressions. its sickening. im aware that im stating the obvious with the whole two face thing but i seriously just want to ALKEJRGLKAESRE. not targetted at anyone btw. it really does just make me angry. and it ties in with my 2011 journal cuase i was two faced. not as a person in general, but with some people. or person. or..yeah. LOL. and i was reading it and it just revolted me. i ahte that in a pseron. i just never realised before.
like i dunno, its that moment when you realise the obvious.
im glad that all the people i hate (thejre arent many) know that i hate them. so theyre out of my fucking face. and now im pissed cuase im thinking about them! gonna eat
goooooooooodnight :) i hope you all had a nice day today

Fashion King

dont read if you plan to watch and commit from start till finish!

so i started watching this some time ago and was SOOO bored by it cause it was so cliche, the protagonist was self pitying, there was a love triangle going back and forth etc. but it got gooood!

for one, the clothes they wear in here are such a motivator to stick around for the next episode. i tried to gogle some of the nice outfits but only yuri popped up cause everyone loves her more than whats draped on the beautiful cast.
tbh, i only came here to talk about the ending.
its so LOL. lke, its so rdramatic and sudden i LOLed so much. can i just say? the main guy gets shot int he head in the middle of a phone call witht he girl he loves. and she hears it and all she says is "i miss you" LOLOL
psychopath.
i think the other guy planned it. cause he loved her in an obsessed kind of way. it was infatuation gone wrong. whatever, i was on his team anyway. hes rich and he wears a suit all day everyday.
apprently theres gonna be a sequel, which i shall stay around for, if the rumours are true.
AND LOLOLOL i was on the soompi thread before, and cause the good guy got shot int he head, theyre all hating on the drama and saying it was the worst thing to mankind yaddiblah.
this cracked me up:

"That does say a lot about why the ending was so messed, doesn't it..."


ah soompi. == HAHAHHAA 

it was a good drama. HAHAHA the ending is just too random, i cant stop laughing. he dies really weird too. cuase he was wearing this white fluffy coat. at first i somehow thought it was a wedding dress that he bought for the girl. (long story [in fact, 20 episodes long])
i cant get over hte ending. i dont get it at all! who the hell shot him? out of nowhere? does his rich millionaire apartment not have secutiry? ==
there are SO many unanswered questions. like, THERES A TRILLION UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. so annoying. il pop them here so i can refer to them in the future hsould a sequel come out.
1. so were her parents killed in a set up?
2. why did she not even remmeber her family heirloom (damn ugly necklace)
3. what happens to the minor characters...
4. what happens with the boutique
5. how is our beautiful psychopath guy holding up? (i dont remember any of their names omg)
6. why did he get shot in the head but bleed from the abdomen... which reminds me, why didnt he call her earlier if he loved her so much? in fact, why did he even get shot? also, why did he leave in the first place...
7. what happened to the financial state of those fashion brands? actualy, the fashion industry kind of lost its attention when the loving got tough. but i didnt cry once LOL cause i hated the main guy so every heart ache he felt was a chuckle for me. he was full crying at one stage like a baby. yeahhhh boy
8. also, how did the parents finally allow him to whisk his dream poor hobo girl away suddenly?
9. and what was witht he 150 mill deal?
10. and the fashion runway show?
11. and like..every single thing ? just becuase the main guy gets shot doesnt mean the drama should just stop airing. like comeon, he is not that important. this drama is supposed to be about a girl. and her dream to become a world renown fashion designer with an expensive label.

these open endings ..==
korean dramas == they fuck everything up cause they know its not gonna drive people away. if youre in, youre in.

anyways, with that down, i can invest some more time into bones, vampire diaries and new girl now!
should be studying for exmas but becuase i dont know when they are, they feel so far away. all i know is that i have one in like..next week? or osmething? ill get around to it, but for now MINIBREAAAAK

for my eyes or for yours?

working on a paper atm and i wrote myself into a confusing mess so here i am, writing about much simpler things such as nothing :)

when i logged onto here before, i explored the new layout a bit and took a look at the stats. they put me into a state of panic!
my blog is public, im well aware of that, i never felt the need to make it private because quite frankly, i dont think i have anything to hide. but its quite scary. people, who i know nad dont know, have access to my ramblings, and i find myself asking 'what do i want people to see when they look at me?'
what if someone i dont know read my blog and then they meet me later on in life and they know more about me then i do about them LOL
but yeah, i found myself going omgomgogmg scary. what if my boss stumbled across this (for whatever reason), or my lecturer, or someone who hates me, or family, or someone from all the way across the world?  what do i want them to see?
what i write here isnt hardcore government conspiracies, 'i hate life', 'i hate this person' and its nothing secret or special to me, but its a lot of 'i think this', 'i think that', 'this is the shit i talk about to kill time' sort of thing. i dont really filter what i want to say here, and like, im not saying any controversial shit or anything, but its what i feel ._. its me.
and i dunno what im saying LOL like isnt it kind of intimidating that someone can have access to a sanction you use to channel whatever you feel.
its like someone is reading your diary. its personal to you.
this blog is personal to me. and the persona i give off from it isnt particularly favourable. i read back what i wrote each year and cringe. and ill probably cringe in 2013 when i read my 2012 posts. but like, what i write is what i write. my audience is myself, my author is myself, what comes out of here, is myself. and as mundane as my blog is, its a genuine part of me. and its open to the public. i think thats why im quite frightened. you put yourself in a vulnerable position when you expose your carefree thoughts and untamed writing to the public. what deviates you from everyone else can be what people use to bite you in the butt and it will definitely be what people use to stick a judgement on you.

and i dont know where im going with this. i think im trying to say that, ...i dunno. im not really worried about what i write, i dont really go deep and delve into the origins of life or whatevs simply because i dont spend my time thinking about things like that, but im wary of the tone i give off. im feeling oddly cautious about how i sound, i dont want to sound stupid, ignorant or arrogant. whats scary is how what people interpret from my blog is out of my control. what if i said ' i feel like ice cream' because i felt like ice cream and then someone else who feels like..hot pot reads it and goes 'omg, douse that bitch with fire, please'. LOL THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE :(
WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS, NONCONFORMITY IS FROWNED UPON. IF YOU SAY SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY (extraordinary? :P) THERE WILL BE PEOPLE, WHO WILLLL DOUSE YOU WITH FIRE. figuratively. i dont know why i put that in caps. THAT SENTENCE WAS NOT STICKING TO THE NORM. neither was that one.
but if i feel like ice cream, you damn bet i will keep feeling like ice cream bitch. shove that hot pot up your ass.
now that i think about it, i think my blog is quite dear to me. its great, because when i write, im not writing for anything or anyone. im just writing because i want to. and i can write about anything i want :)

...so prepare for UYEN UNLEASHED.
joking. i dont even know what that would entail.  x

having no home

i rarely see anything that touches the very bottom of my heart. but on monday i did. i was all pissed off cause some people dont know how to rock up on time 100% of the time but seeing this just threw me off my high horse and broke me apart.
there was a homeless woman on the floor covered in all these different rags fighting to stay warm against the brutality of cold winter. and i admit, i'm quite used to seeing homeless people. its probably safe to say we all are. but next to this woman was her pet dog. it was in its own basket covered its own rags and together they were just sleeping, their heads tucked under more rags. it tore my heart right open (not literally). there was a hat in front of them with about $2 of measly coins. and there were two signs. one asking for money to feed her dog. and one asking to feed her. even now, the image haunts me. it haunts me so much.
ive grown up knowing about homelessness. but i never really took to heart before that these people once had a home, and they once were loved, and that htey had someone who would not leave them in the streets like this.
this homeless lady that i saw, was obviously literate, like us. her signs were neatly written, straight and correct. this homeless lady is a dog lover, her pet dog looks to be in a much condition then she did. and shes held on to it so she obviously love it. its probably all she has left.
and this homeless lady, wants to stay alive. even after losing what shes had, even given her impoverished condition, she wants to live.
we can complain about how shit or sad or boring our lives are, and we can complain about wanting to die cause of our break ups or too much drama in our lives of too much whatever. but these people have nothing. they do not even have their pride, their integrity, their dignity. they have to give that up to, to beg and grovel for money to stay alive.
what saddens me most is the hopelessness of the situation. when i tell people about what i saw i get "did you give her money?"
like of course, but it saddens me that for her, that is all i can do. give her money. i cant give her warmth, i cant give her love, i cant give her a home. i can only give her something to last a day.
i cant do anything. im just a girl blogging about something that makes her sad.

so im making a promise, right here right now. a promise and the only promise that i promise to keep.
if i ever make enough money, and i will strive with all my heart to make this money when im out of school, im going to open a homeless shelter. i dont know how they work, but ill figure it out when i have enough money. and im going to work there and help whoever comes. it can be like..my night job.
and if i DONT get that money, then i will at least donate every dollar i dont need to homeless shelters, and homeless people. i dunno, i just cant turn away from homeless people anymore. its been hauntingm e so much, i cant sleep all i think about is ARE THEY WARM RIGHT NOW?
because its so sad. how can you not have someone care for you? anyone!
i want to be that person, to at least care for them. it hurts so much thinking about how theyre all out there right now, trying to stay warm for this winter. that woman and her dog..how long do you think they could stnad this winter? they were sleeping so early in the night
so yeah.
im late for a phone call, goodnight