Last post of 2012

Heeeeey
I'm currently at Docklands blogging from my phone cause I'm fucken bored. I just found out that blogger has an ap so I might have I fight the urge to blog randomly from now on :P
My family is currently here, laughing at how bored we are. I'm watching a dirty blue sea of water and a useless Ferris wheel that never served its purpose. My god I'm enthusiastic.
There's heaps of boats in front of me, with rich people listening to crappy music and eating crappy rich people's food.
I am thankful for my phones autocorrect. Although it does not know how to use apostrophes to show possession. But I'm not fussed.
I'm currently wearing Dior's J'adore perfume which smells really great. I believe my sister is wearing Chanel no.5 because she smells like shit.
I tried on some dresses today that I had purchased during the Xmas period and Boxing Day but found most were too small and short. It sucks because I don't fit them, but it's great because I gained weight! I've been meaning to do that for a while now but never got around to noticing my size.
With just over 4 hours left of 2012, LET US REFLECT because WE ARE totally GRATEFUL DEEP AND MEANINGFUL HUMAN BEINGS

So here's to 2012:
Metcards
A lot of heavy jokes about the apocalypse
Passed uni with GPA of 3.75
Breaking Dawn Part 2
Mean jokes about fat people and owls
The birth and death of Taco (my 2012 reoslution)
Obama!
Kathy reichs retweeted me (yeah she finally noticed me!! I feel so happy that for even 5 seconds, I WAS PART OF HER LIFE. FOR A MOMENT, SHE KNEW ME)
To bad health!
A new size
Hunger games
Friends who make me laugh
To alcohol bringing out the best in us
To getting rid of the most annoying guy

Wow that's a pretty pathetic list. Hardly memorable. Tbh I can't remember shit. I just remember feeling annoyed LOL

There's a girl in front of me who's pulling off Fluoro surprisingly well. The neon yellow looks nice and golden skin and blonde hair. Did I just unknowingly check her out?

But that aside, happy new year everyone! To new memories and a clean slate, a new reoslution and meeting new people! Hold on to what is dear to you, and don't stress about your toe jam.


The view is really ugly so here is a photo of my sisters' feet and I

Anticholinergics

hello my beautiful, it isss time to learn! i feel like such a nerd when i do these.

Anticholinergics! It goes under 'Genitourinary Drugs' for urinary tract disorders like urinary urge incontinence
Anticholinergics include Darifenacin (Enablex), oxybutynin (ditropan), propantheline (Pro-Banthine) and Solifenacin (Vesicare) and Tolteodine (Detrusitol). Tbh, I only recognise Ditropan, Vesicare and Pro-Banthine.

Precautions
Dementia- avoid because it may worsen symptoms and block therapeutic effects of anticholinesterases
Urinary retention - avoid because, once again, symptoms may worsen
The elderly are more prone to adverse effects.

Side effects
A pharmacist I work with once told me an easy way to remember the side effects of anticholinergics.
Anticholinergics block SLUD. Salivation, Lacrimation, Urination and Defecation. Which results in dry mouth, affected vision, urinary retention and constipation respectively :). How neat is thaaaat? I dunno, I was impressed. If only I knew this for pharmacology.
Note: oxybutynin has higher incidence of dry mouth and may also experience CNS side effects.
Vesicare has higher incidence of constipation

Oxybutynin can come in patches. with those, apply to either the abdomen, hip or buttocka nd change after 3-4 days (1 patch twice a week). make sure you dont apply to the same place until after 7 days. at the area of application, you may also experience side effects such as rash, redness and itch.

may cause drowsiness, dizziness or blurred vision. if affected, dont operate machinary.

There is little to no human data regarding anticholinergics and pregnancy/breastfeeding.

BR: The Girl's Guide to Homelessness - Brianna Karp

'...every single homeless person has a backstory, has a personality, is a human being.' p 225

This is hers. 

This book is a must-read for everyone. I have the book here if you wish to borrow it. It is a tale of strength and compassion from a highly articulate mind.

The story is Brianna Karp's. It is a memoir of her childhood and her experiences whilst homeless.
Here's the blurb:
Brianna Karp entered the workforce at age ten, supporting her mother and sister throughout her teen years in Southern California. Although her young life was scarred by violence and abuse, Karp stayed focused on her dream of a steady job and a home of her own. By age twenty-two her dream became reality. Karp loved her job as an executive assistant and signed the lease on a tiny cottage near the beach.

And then the Great Recession hit. Karp, like millions of others, lost her job. In the six months between the day she was laid off and the day she was forced out onto the street, Karp scrambled for temp work and filed hundreds of job applications, only to find all doors closed. When she inherited a thirty-foot travel trailer after her father’s suicide, Karp parked it in a Walmart parking lot and began to blog about her search for work and a way back.

Karp began her journey as a homeless person terrified and ashamed. Fear turned to awe as she connected with other homeless people whose remarkable stories inspired her to become an activist for the homeless community.

Deeply compassionate and darkly funny, this unforgettable memoir celebrates the courage and creativity of lives society would otherwise stigmatize.

I am just filled with so many thoughts and emotions that I don't really know where to begin. Bear with me!

It was initially difficult for me to read about Karp's childhood. From a reader's point of view, I was clueless about Jehovah's Witnesses - the religion with which she belonged, and it was also very difficult to relate or connect to her. Her upbringing was just so different, and there was just no way I could understand what she went through. I was hearing her voice, yet I could not form a view or emotion about her. Everything that happened just seemed so harsh and I didn't want to be a bitch and feel sorry for her.

But then
'The truth is, we never know the whole story. We don't know other people's circumstances. You can speculate that the wino sitting outside the 7-Eleven begging for change is there because he's too lazy or stupid or uneducated or selfish or mentally ill. But will we ever truly know?' p 95
That's just a small snippet because I don't want to end up quoting the entire novel. She basically pulled all the words out of my heart and more. All her opinions, all her thoughts, they make so much sense.

Brianna lost her job after the recession. She lost her housing, and stayed with her mother for a while. until the emotional abuse got too much, then she fled to the streets with her belongings. Let me tell you, even with her laptop and mobile, it was very hard to get her life back on track.
I was able to live like a homeless through her experiences and I am beaten by how hard it is for them. I was able to see some of the hardships faced. Brianna was fortunate in that she had technology to put herself out there in the employment world and she also had her intellect and sanity to drive her forwards.

I look at Melbourne's homeless and think Oh Shit. To us, I feel we have a very defined view of the homeless. We think 'Oh you're homeless? You shouldn't have fucked yourself over then. Your fault, fix it you fuck.' I quote Brianna, 'the fact that you are homeless says everything about you.' That's what we are! We lack a strong support. I'm not saying we need to help every homeless person, and give them our money, and take note of every one you see with stellar compassion, but keep an open mind? Ask yourself, would it be detrimental towards me if I did something to help? I found out through this book that Scotland offers every homeless person free housing, to help them clean up, have shelter and focus on getting income.

'Whenever I meet a homeless person, I assume that if she were financially or mentally capable of affording and maintaining a home, then she would be in one' p 109 
This. I remember telling my friend once, would they not have a home if they could afford one? He told me off for being such a 'naive little girl' and to stop funding for their cigs and booze. And I let your arguments sway me. Yes, I see it. I do see those that spend it on drugs and alcohol. But isn't addiction in itself a form of mental illness? There was this book I read years ago about a girl who got addicted to heroin and even with all the love and support of her family and personal desire to quit, her body would not let her. We get people coming in asking to get started on the Methadone program and have to send them off. 'There are no slots left' The Methadone program to stop the withdrawl symptoms generally last the entire lifetime. It's that hard to move on from drug addiction. And before you even fucken tell me It's their fault for getting into the mess in the first place, just imagine if alcohol was just as addictive. You'd be fucked. And it's lovely seeing people on the Methadone program get their life back on track! They start coming in looking nice, looking sane, they start telling you stories about their life, their job, this new mental health group they're running, their counselling! And then you get the super determined ones who are able to mentally recognise their state and are able to make decisions and to try and change the lives of others who are currently going through what they were. I would be open-minded towards 100 if that meant 1 could be heard and helped. I do not care if I help 99 people buy their drugs and alcohol if that meant 1 person could buy their dinner.  I have not harmed myself in any way, so why not help someone in the process of doing nothing with myself. If I knew of a way to help someone out of their addiction, I'd tell them too. One of my customers is a homeless drunkie, and I can tell you personally, he deserves so much better. So what if he drinks recreationally, if it improves his own quality of life, so be it. There are a lot of factors standing in the way between him and a job right now. Both to do with him and the environment.

'It was mainly about how nobody is impervious to homelessness, how you don't know a person's back story by looking at her or why she became homeless and the importance of withholding judgment as to which homeless people are "deserving" of help and which aren't, including those who use drugs or may have made poor life choices previously' p 121
Lol found it. Brianna pretty much explains an essay in a sentence.

That aside, she has really opened my eyes. On a lot of things. On life, on love, on people and our world. And Walmart. I don't know how to describe it. This book was a rollercoaster ride.
Brianna also has a few handy tricks of the trade on how to not come off as homeless when looking for a job. You can somehow fake a permanent address, get free showers at certain places and live in a parking lot lol.
It kind of makes me sad though. Because a lot of the successes she was able to..succeed in, was due to her intelligence, her remarkable resume and her experiences, skills and her motivation. What about those without? What if someone was homeless because they were simply hopeless at everything lol. What if it was someone with a weak spirit. And even with a job and fame (yes she gets fame), she is STILL not able to secure a job and home.
I remember my cousin applied for housing like agees ago under the emergency list and even then, it took 2 years before they finally had a free space for her. By then she'd given up and got a house instead. Of course, your local hobo can't just get fed up of waiting and buy a house.

And I am also very, extremely, intensely pissed off by Matt. How could he?! Wtf?! I hate that! I want to know what he's up to at this very moment, what he's feeling, what the fuck is wrong with you! URGH! I HOPE YOU STUB YOUR TOE REALLY HARD. She deserves waaaay better.

I totally spoiled the book with this review. But really, a person's tale can never get spoiled. Because no matter what I tell you, it will always be worth reading a memoir from the heart. With all its genuine emotions and Brianna is amazing with her recount. I could not put it down. She is just such an interesting, respectable girl. It was literally just a story of her life, but you are drawn by her energy, her drive and her interesting take on world issues.

She details in this book of starting a blog when she first became homeless. With her laptop, she would stay at Starbucks everyday sending resumes and blogging. This is it: http://www.girlsguidetohomelessness.blogspot.com.au/
And the more updated one is http://girlsguidetohomelessness.com/

Mind you, this book was not all about homelessness. She lives homeless, but it's not like she spent every page going 'I'm homeless'. It's just an honest story of her experiences, beyond that.


Btw, I put forward a lot of my opinions, but it is in no way trying to shove anything into your throats. I'm just writing what I want to on my blog. I just strongly feel that we should be free of judgement when we see a homeless person. They are essentially a stranger who needs assistance. It's not like we're Godly enough to be able to judge so harshly without reason -the house they live in (or lack thereof) is not a reason.
But we're all entitled to our own opinions and I respect that. I know most of my friends don't exactly have a regard for the homeless, which is cool. But if you ever come across some time, give this book a try. It'll give you some food for thought.

a blog about nothing

yayyyy its christmas!! lets blog about nothing :)
ive been listening to justin beiber's mistletoe. its hilarious and i dont know why.

this morning, we all woke up (well duh) and opened presents. i have a youngest sister who still believes in Santa so we had to be all "OMGOSHHH WHAT DID SANTA GIVE YOU?! OMG REALLY? THOSE? OH WOW, HE'S SO FUNNY!" i kind of feel sad cause this is probabnly the last year she'll believe in santa claus. she's getting old mate. i wish i could believe in santa!! i hate being the one creeping at night and tripping over fucken electrical cords that NO ONE BOTHERED TO PLACE SAFELY ASIDE.

unfortunately our xmas tree is small this year, becuase we all got lazy. lol. tbh ive been in the worsst mood recently (no idea why) but everyone's enthusiasm, friends' text messages, festive pics on fb, bonnie's saliva all over my face and joyful christmas carols are really rubbing off on me. my faves are Frosty the snowman and Last Christmas. Frosty is always such a tear jerker. frosty will melt after christmas :( HE DIES. HE ONLY LIVES IN CHRISTMAS TIME. ISNT THAT JUST SO SAD?! My boss recently told me what Frosty means to a guy. but im going to pretend i dont know and enjoy the innocence of the song.
and last christmas i just like becuase its so hilarious. who the hell decides christmas is the perfect time to profess your heart to someone? and then decide to give it to someone else the next christmas? WHY ODNT YOU DO THAT SOME OTHER DAY? WHY CHRISTMAS? THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS DURING CHRISTMAS. and as if tarnish the day forever with harsh memories of rejection LOL. == and to give it to someone else? is this someone desperate...

but moving on, after the presents, my sises and i decided to watch a horror movie called Girl, Interrupted. its about a girl (who gets interrupted) who is admitted into a psychiatric ward after attempting suicide and there she meets heaps of crazy people and you can imagine all that goes on. it was kind of disturbing. angelina jolie was like anorexic in that movie. you could see eveyr bone in her body! there was also a patient in there who was addicted to taking laxatives, and yet doesn't eat anything either. it kind of reminded me of osmeone. i hope she is able to recognise that today is christmas, and to find some joy or comfort. or to at least have a day free of pain.

i sent everyone a christmas text today saying something along the lines of 'MERRUCHRISTMASEVERYONGLAKJGKRLJWLG' and i am highly amused by the amount of texts i got back that consisted of 'MERRYCHRISTMASUYENALKJRGKRJEG' 'MERRYXMASKLJLRKEAJG' and 'AKLEJRGLAJREGREOAGREJG' words cannot express how delighted i am except KAJERKGELKGAOWJGLKRHGA/K;EWJGERBJH!!!! (theres a typo in there somewhere)

i also made the discovery that my sister plays minecraft! :O the youngest one. YOU KNOW WHAT, IM GOING TO FIND OUT HOW OLD SHE IS. AND REMEMBER IT. ILL ASK HER RIGHT NOW.
so she's 11. my 11 y/o sister plays minecraft! she plays it with her 'guy friends' whatta tom boy. like shut up, you're 11 theres no such thing as guy friends or girl friends. everyone is just sexless and a friend your age. and she knows things aboutminecraft hat III know!! its soo weird!!! she started tlaking about creepers and enderman and i nearly shat myself (not really, ew). its sooo weird! and she watches minecraft channels on youtube that i do! SO WEIRDDD LOL. what if i have more in common with my sister than i first thought ?

i have not had a single candy cane this month. :(

im talking to a friend on steam atm and he's typing sooooo slow (cause of something about xbox controllers?) and its so cute! maqkes me want to say something very provoking or mean and aggravating to be of annoyance. since you wont be able to respond fast enough.

ive taken to reading The Difference Between a Wolf and a Sheep again. for those of you who knew me in high school, muahahha yes!! its still not finished but i decided to give it an other go becuase i love it and i want to do the things i love :)

lol ive got korean ballads blasting from my music player. what are those things called. music players? the thing where you can plug your phone or CD into it. CD PLAYER? music player. stereo player. those machines with speakers coming out of them. and its making me feel like im actually writing something really important and heartbreaking. like im writing a REALLY SAD HEART WRENCHING BREAK UP LETTER. and then you zoom in and its just a blog about nothing. LOL ill go into a cafe with my laptop, turn this song on and type REALLY FAST AND FURIOUSLY at my laptop and then occasionally sob and wipe my tears with a tissue and then sscream WHYYYY UEEEE (or however koreans spell it).

ok, ill stop blogging about nothing now. i must depart and continue celebrating. MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS. FELIZ NAVIDAD. BUON NATALE. CHUC MUNG GIANG SINH. HAPPY CHRISTMAS. SI VU PLAIT. NI CHIU SHEN MA?

to friends and family, thank you for the presents - they make me laugh, and thank you for your company.

i have decided to birth to the world, my very own Santa. i spent a while on this, it was quite fun. windows has updated their paint.

Buon Natale?

Yo blog. I woke up today with the thought 'Do I have conjunctivitis?'. Then I realised no, I don't. My eyes are really swollen god. Then I checked twitter and was inspired by my friend who tweeted about Christmas and the Bible.

It made me realise that the only thing I happen to know about Christmas that is related to my religion is that Jesus was born on this day (which is debatable in itself). After getting rejected from a bunch of places, Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger. (Awaaay in a mangerrr no crib for a bed. The little Lord Jesus layyy down his sweet head) Then a giant Southern Star somewhat shone brightly above Jesus' stable and then faithful Shepherds arrived with gifts and love. 

Is that where the spirit of giving came from? 

i reckon the spirit of giving really hit off when christmas became commercialised and stores started going SALE!! etc and christmas became advertised as a season to give presents. 

cause the spirit of giving to Christianity had a different meaning back in the day, where giving meant giving to the poor. and it was giving what was ours to the poor, not store purchased products. it was sharing more than giving. sharing our fortunes with the less fortunate, as opposed to giving to make others feel the season's festivities. and through this generosity, God will reward us. 

BUT i think the bible also says we can't give for the sake of reward, we can't give so that we can boast and we can't give simply because everyone else is giving. or something. which i find very complicating. it is basically expecting us to be perfect and pure in our thoughts, to go against human nature and simply pour our hearts out to everyone in reckless abandon. lol i know i should be backing this with the exact words from the Bible, but i know i wont be able to find it in the masssive book. 

i just did a quick google search. 

Matthew 6:1-4 'Be careful not to do your "acts of righteousness" before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy,  Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.'

Lol i remember being taught that in primary school because i was imagining men in the streets running around screaming that they just finished praying. 

So many people take the Bible literally, which my personal, ungrounded, unjustified and uneducated opinion thinks is stupid. if man see me give and i dont mind does that deem my action INVALID? is God crossing off that deed on the list? how secret do i have to be? 'hey hobo, meet me at point cook at 3am EXACTLY, make sure no one's following you.' *pulls hat lower over face, smokes cigar and pulls trench collar up* lol sorry.

my underlying point is, i think it is sufficient to extract the essence of these passages, as opposed to following them like a handbook. it isnt some pass-go-collect-$200 kind of thing. you're not collecting stamps or ticking of any checklist. you're just guided on how to understand the way justice is served in the eye of God. if that makes sense.


Santa originated from St Nicholas, who was a saint (oh really uyen?) who went around giving to the poor. his message was to give to the less fortunate. of course, the revised and popular version 'Santa' gives to good children. because only kids have the time to be good ;)

lol this was meant to serve a purpose but i got distracted and its now 6:25. i wrote this 6 hours ago hahahaa then i went off to wrap some presents and piss myself off and eat etc. i dont remember what i wanted to tell you.
but now i do. i cant be bothered explaining it, but in a nutshell, nah cbf. lol


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! May you enjoy the festivities and revel in the gifts and the given. Celebrate your faith, celebrate your family, your friends, your joys and your love. Be charitable, be happy and pretend you're basking in snow (aussie aussie aussie).
And hbd baby Jesus. 

when im not in love with K Stewart

pew pew pew

As the world is aware, there was a horrific shooting in Conneticut today that took the lives of 28, mostly children.
Which makes me wonder why the gun laws are so lax in America. As it turns out, the regulations and restrictions vary between states. Conneticut has tough laws in regards to the carrying of weapons, but that doesn't stop its neighbours from letting it loose. So its hard to regulate the ownership of such weapons in America.
I find it so stupid that guns even need to be considered as a self defence weapon. They should not be allowed to be a part of everyday life. I would feel so threatened if I'm walking down a street where every single person could be carrying a gun in their handbag. It's just not right.
The reason why guns are allowed to be carried around is simply because citizens have the right of self defence or some shit like that. Well I could be driving a massive tank engine down the street and call it in the name of self defence. If guns are allowed on the grounds of defense, what's to stop me from carrying a grenade, a machete or a tasergun? Why don't I just start treating this world like a massive battlefield, where danger lurks behind every corner?
And surely, SURELY, self defense comes in more forms than turning the victim into a trigger happy murderer?
And think of how many crimes of passion easy gun access aids? What if I'm a lunatic and you piss me off so I just reach into my pocket, pull out a gun and put a hole through your head?

Why don't we take a look at the risks vs. benefits. The benefit is it puts its owner under a false blanket of security. You will feel safe because you can physically hurt anyone who makes you feel threatened. The other benefit is if someone decides to just really go at you, and they're stronger than you, and you're helpless, and you cannot run away, and you cannot call the police or someone else for aid, and you cannot avoid the danger in the first place, and you really face the risk of getting murdered, you can shoot your attacker. Provided they don't take that weapon off you and use it on you instead. Oh what about this benefit. You're a teenybopper trying to look cool so you shoot a few cans and your friends whoop and cheer until you accidentally shoot their ass. You also wouldn't have to bother learning the correct way to react to danger because you know, you've got that gun.

Then there are the risks. In the wrong hands, the consequences are serious. Note: a normal citizen is considered 'in the wrong hands'. Anyone who doesn't need a gun, should not have a gun duh ==. Such a risky weapon requires lots of responsibility and a genuine purpose.
Another risk; in the case where an unstable person has access to a gun, everyone around them can die. Anyone around them can also be threatened, harassed and forced.
Gun access also gives the community culture the belief that the city is dangerous. 1. because of its people who are 'dangerous' enough that they'll need a gun pointed at them, and 2. because of the incompetence of the state protectors (ie. cops and law makers). I mean, if they were doing a good job, why would I need to carry a gun with me right? So they must be really shit for me to have to stoop this low just to defend myself.
And the major risk is its accessibility to everyone. You could steal someone's, you could just get one for yourself, your child could reach out for one. Sure, you might get denied access to one, but your best friend could get you one. Or hey, just drive over to a different state and buy one. And there is no way to judge a person's capabilities to handle a gun, and to make the correct conclusion of when it is appropriate to use it. Everyone's perception of situations are different. 10 people faced with the same dilemma will interpret their danger differently and they will respond to it differently. And I think its best if America changed it so that 'shooting their face off' does not come to mind.

If an environment is dangerous enough that innocent citizens need guns, fucking fix it. With Melbourne's violent attacks last year, the city responded by increasing police patrols, introducing a '0 tolerance' mentality, more security, more cameras, more fines, more restrictions on the carrying of weapons with more dire consequences. Not handing everyone a gun. More like banning anything that can slice or dice. I remember Melbournians even complaining about not being to carry a simple cake cutter knife. Better safe than sorry. (A much better mentality than GEAR YOURSELVES UP AND PREPARE FOR THE WORST)

Guns should be kept on the battlefield and to licensed, trained cops. It is not a defensive weapon, it is attacking. It is for attacking.
If guns were under much tight restriction over in America, perhaps not such a tragic event would have occurred in Conneticut. Yes, maybe the mentally disturbed murderer would have found another way to wreck havoc, but there's no denying that he would not have claimed the lives of so many innocents sooo so easily if he did not have a gun. Make the murderers work hard for it America! You are writing your own tragedy. Don't let your own law be an accessory for murder.

That's my 2 cents.

my passing thoughts this week

i recently caught up with a friend who recently came down from her gold coast. i was very pleasantly surprised by how easily we got on, as if we had just hung out the day before, despite having not talked to her for a year. i was also pleasantly surprised by how self contented i felt seeing her glow with her own life and happiness. its a weird feeling, being deeply happy for something that has nothing to do with you. like when the couple you ship finally get together on the big screen. or when a disabled man takes his first step in years.
(my friend is neither big screen nor disabled) i wish i could live everyday being this happy for people around me. but that would probably warrant me a punch in the face for being too soppy. and who wants to live off other people's lives?

but anyway, we, I dropped by the hairhouse warehouse to pick a dye for my hair (yes im still planning to do it). i picked up a very valuable (imo) lesson about hair dying.
for virgin black hair like myself, i can avoid harmful bleaching and dry tangly hair by getting it right the very first time. hair dye comes in 'levels'. you have level 5 i think? which is the lightest. and then theres like level 9 which is dark. and what happens is when you dye your hair like say, level 6 for the first time. that means from there on in, you can chuck on any colour of a level high like 7 or 8, without having to use bleach. if you start off dying your hair at 9 though, to dye it a level 7 or 8, you have to bleach. and you have to bleach the number of times you've redyed your hair to take it off strip by strip.
for me, in order to not have to bleach if i needed to change colour, she told me to start my hair off by dying it  7.1 (lol the levels come in decimal points too so theres heaps of colours lol). 7.1 is ash blonde. i was mortified LOL becuase no i will not go blonde. but she told me that when you first start, always go a few shades lighter than you intend on asian hair becuase the black pigment in your hair will bring the ash blonde to a dark coffee brown. i dont know why i keep saying coffee brown, its not even a hair colour.
SO HERE'S MY PLAN! im gonna dye my hair blonde and slowly work my way down the colour wheel until finally i hit 9. which is VIOLET! itll be like, working my way towards a goal i intended to achieve this summer. theres no 'few shades' lighter that will bring my hair to purple. so ill just have to do a straight bleach and dye after ive gone through 50 shades of brown. but if i like my coffee brown, maybe ill keep it at that.
she also said to just redye the regrowth not hte whole head becuase it will be a different colour becuase you've got the pigments from the previous dye in it too so the colour will be different to the regrowth bit so youll look brown and blue everywhere. LOL i think the girl was 50 shades brown too becuase she was pointing to different areas of her hair explaining the different shades of brown ==
mm a whole two paragraphs about my hair. dead cells really get me going.


today at work, i had a box of meloxicam thrown at me. to say the least, i was very hurt!
me: so that's $17.40 *generic grin*
her: MOBIC! MOBIC! *chucks melox at my chest*
me: i understand. the organisation that subsidises your drug costs only fund for generic prices. it will help you just the same, just an Australian brand.
her: MOBIC! MOBIC! MOBIC MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBIC MOOOOOOFJAKLEWJGALWGMOBICAKERGJERLKAJHGERLKGJREALGRJAEG
me: yes, what im saying is-
her: MOOOOBICVLIAJERGRKLEJMOBICMOBICMOBICCCMOBICMONBICMONICKMNONOOOOOOOONNNNOOOOOOONONONONONONONONOONONONONONO
me: okay be reasonable. let me explai-
her: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBIC
me: LISTEN TO ME. WE CANNOT ACCEPT THIS RECEIPT FROM ___ IF YOU TAKE MOBIC
her: MOOOBICMOBICMOBBBBIC
she could not be calmed, and her friend started taking out her own meloxicam and joined in too. it was a riot right in front of me. as to not frighten the other customers, we got them their mobics. which was when a second riot ensued because they had to pay.
but all good. she ended up saying i was a really sweet girl before going. maybe cause im the first one who hasnt slapped her in the face.
im kidding.
but seriously, i was annoyed. i wasnt even the one that handled her scripts. even then, she was under a fund thing where all her meds are paid for provided theyre of the cheapest price.
for the rest of the shift i was in a foul mood. maybe because i got my d+ straight after that. or because it kind of made me realise that 80% of the customers i serve know english as a second or third language. ive never realised before but communication has always been difficult every shift becuase they cannot speak english. ive been accepting of it, i mean its hardly crossed my mind until today when i could not get a word down. Of the remaining 20%, 5% of those dont know english at all. ==. days like today, i realise how easy it is to just look confused and say 'i dont understand' and then they will leave and go elsewhere. and i wont be faced with countless hours trying to understand every sentence strung by broken english. but of course i dont. ive communicated via google translator with chinese speakers, spoken over the phone to sons of the illiterate, attempted sign language with the deaf, re-enacted symptoms with the fobs and its been years since someones walked off unhappy with my service (that theyve alerted me of). which im content with.
when i first started as a shop girl, i was so horrible i still wonder why they didnt just fire me omg. get rid of the girl! i gave them the wrong products, could hardly speak loudly enough to be heard and was too overjoyed by the sound of products scanning. i think i also had like some social anxiety disorder of sorts becuase the thought of talking to customers really frightened me. id be so nervous! if i saw a customer by a counter id try to look extra busy so that someone else will serve them. so many customers complained (i wanted a hand cream not a foot balm!), i was not sociable to my work mates at all and i basically kept to myself the best i could. but as i got used to it, my voice got louder till work didnt make me nervous anymore, just really tired LOL. that was year 10.

i also got my blood test results back. nothings changed exceeeppttttt my cholesterol is way too high now. my good cholesterol levels are fine but my bad cholesterol levels are shocking. i wanst there to see my doctors face, but my mum filled me in. LOL i am literally a fat girl on the inside! its not that big a leap to get from high cholesterol to fat girl right? there was a joke in there somewhere witht he big leap thing. so anth, i am a fatass! i need to change what i eat. not necessarily how much i eat because im not gaining like a balloon, but damn i loveed eating my jam donuts on saturdays :(. i had some pizza today too, is that cholesterol inducing? i dont even know what foods have cholesterol. avacado? fried oily foods right? so basically, anything that tastes good. LOL apparently im too young to be at that level and i need to get healthy! LOL itd be pretty cool if i keep going up until i have to take meds that ill be learning about. ill totally ace it on exams! and then ill get fit again and be healthy, otherwise not good!

Christmas is near! SANTAAAAA CLAUS IS COMIN' TA TOWN MATE. GET YA ESKYS READY AND SLIP SLOP SLAP. i was watching this video on yogscast (i completely adore yogscast) and there's a member there whose parents send her 25 gifts in a big box each december to kickstart advent. each day, you just pick a random present in the box and unwrap it!! how cool is that! imagine doing that for a little sister, boyfriend, husband, friend, BONNIE. they dont even have to be massive gifts, save that for christmas. just small presents everyday, as opposed to your boring chocolate and cracker witht he generic advent calenders. REWIND BACK TIME AND LET ME DO TAHT TO SOMEONE. ill force you all. feel my wrath through the spirit of giving. if its someone i dont like ill just buy 25 twilight merchandises. ill be in the spirit of giving by financially supporting twilight franchise. and its not like ive given that person crappy presents either, ive given them engouh to create their own twilight shrine! it will strengthen and change our friendship bond.

and my darling blog, i have decided that it is timeto make you less accessible to the scary wide world.

Selective NSAIDS (COX-2)

hi darling. its friday and ive got hte AMH here next to me.
something at work today has forced my hand into SELECTIVE NSAIDS (COX-2 INHIBITORS). we've already learnt about them in pharmacology, but lets be honest, my brain is a clean slate. Ready to be thoroughly confused in the year 2013!!
so selective nsaids.
There's 4 in the book but here's two im familiar with:
Celecoxib (Celebrex)
Meloxicam (Mobic)
NSAIDS have anti-inflammatory, antipyretic and analgesic activities through inhibition of prostaglandin synthesis by blocking COX. blocking COX-1 affects gastric secretions and platelet aggregation. COX-2 is the one that has the analgesic etc properties.
NSAIDS are used for arthritis, osteoarthritis, acute gout and pain/fever.
PRECAUTIONS for NSAIDS
Ashtma - bronchospasm possible due to COX-1 inhibition
Coaggulation disorders - with non selective cause it has antiplatelet effects = bleeding risk
selective nsaids and even diclofonic (no, not the diclofenac!) can increase risk of thrombosis, which is blood clotting in vessel or heart
Avoid with Hx of GI bleeding
oh - NSAIDS may affect fertility so if you're planning a pregnancy, reconsider.
increased risk of adverse effects in the elderly (esp. heart failure, GI ulcers and renal impairment)

COMPARE THE PAIRR
enteric coats do not reduce the risk of GI ulcers :S so why have them? LOL
topical NSAIDS = high conc in the tissue where it is applied and very little is absorbed
selective NSAIDS have increased risk of worsening heart conditions particularly without some low dose aspirin. WHYY? WHY? i should probably make an effort to remmeber the things i dont understand so i can ask a pharmacist, but if i dont understand it how do i remmeber it :( (no im not writing it down)

COUNSELLING
swollen ankles, difficulty breathing (bronchospasm from COX-1 inhibition?), black stool (im assuming thats blood in stool), dark colour coffe vomit (lol im assuming thats blood in bile from GI ulceration) = STOP AND TELL YOUR DR . god how do you tell someone that without alarming hte shit out of them? (but at least then you can inspect their shit and rule out one of the indicators)
dont take aspirin as pain relief because that will increase your risk of side effects.

for use in osteoarthritis, it will usually take 2 weeks to see therapeutic effects. if condition not better in three, consider using something else.
NSAIDS can be used with paracetamol or an opioid for severe pain. LOL the lone example listed here for severe pain is tumour metastases in bone. i dont even know why im laughing. i think its because the example is so barbaric and blatently severe that its funny they would even list it there. 'YOU'RE NOT TO USE AN OPIOID WITH THIS UNLESS YOURE DYING' thats basically what it implies right?

if someone is taking low dose aspirin for its anti-thrombotic effects, they should not stop because the antiplatelet effect of NSAIDS are not reliable.
blood test at least once a year if taking regularly
use lowest effective dose for shortest time possible and use paracetamol to lower NSAID dose where possible
for patients with high risk of GI effects, take with a proton pump inhibitor or misoprostol. why is that you ask? i dont know either. but allow me to find out.
proton pump inhibitors suppress acid secretion by inactivating H+/K+ ATPase enzyme system which is apparently a proton pump.
misoprostol is a protaglandin E1 analogue that increases mucus secretions in stomach.

coming back to the non selective nsaids gig, as a precaution, allergies to sulphonamides may indicate allergy risk to celecoxib.
Meloxicam is also not for pain unrelated to arthritis. so that means Meloxicam is used just for arthritis only.

and im going to stop there.

BR: Captive in the Dark - CJ Roberts

'He was my tormentor and my solace, the creator of the dark and the light within.'

Meet 500 shades of grey, that's all I have to say.

The story is about a young girl, Livvie, who gets kidnapped by a handsome man, Caleb, to become a pawn in his quest for revenge. Under his captive, she gets trained, through punishment and rewards, to become just the player he needs in his game.
But, BUT, of course, their attraction to each other is undeniable etc. I would do an eyeroll, but its not so lame in this story.
Captive in the Dark is essentially a girl with Stockholm's syndrome, and a guy with a tormenting childhood and serious psychological issues.

I've read raaaaaving reviews about this book. A must read! 5 dark, mindfucking, seductive stars! A story that will forever ingrain itself in your mind. Captivating!
I don't think I've ever seen a book receive as much unanimous praise as this book.

I give it a three. I liked it, but that's about it. I came into it expecting to come out mentally tortured or really creeped out given how much its affected its readers. But no. I really have nothing to say about it LOL.
And I did not find it dark, despite what evvvery review seems to say. A girl got kidnapped and she's going to get used. Of course that's bad and all, but I did not see the 'dark' aspect of it all. It wasn't written in a way that emotionally reached out to me. Both the characters led very harsh and trying childhoods but when they 'finally' came forward about their issues, I wasn't overcome with emotions or anything like it. It almost felt wrong that the author was using this as a tool to create a bond between the two.

Livvie was as unoriginal as it gets (strong fighter spirit etc, go team go!), and Caleb I hardly know enough about to understand. He's like Christian Grey. Equally as perverse but more messed up. Having used Christian Grey as a point of comparison, I should also add that this book isn't about sex. There is no 50 shades of f*cking. I only draw similarities because they both want submissives LOL.

But like I said, I did like it. It wasn't awkwardly written and it was very easy to become immersed in the story. I did not feel the entrapment she felt, probably because I was reading it from the comfort of my home, but I certainly felt the comfort she sought. And I guess that's what made me feel for her. I could not put it down. And the situation was just so messed up that you had to know the ending. What's the resolution to this problem? Is Caleb capable of love? What's the price for revenge? Is revenge even worth it? Where do your loyalties lie? And I guess a part of you dares to hope a villian can transform into a hero. By the end of the novel, Caleb is certainly presented with such opportunity.

This novel ended in a cliffhanger, so I might have to read book 2. It's going to be a trilogy. Which, if you ask me, seems stupid because the first book was only about 200 pages long. I'd prefer it just be one book divided into 3 parts if each book is going to be that short. The author certainly made good use of those pages though. Not a single boring part. Although it might be because there is nothing boring about kidnap and torture.

Not an easy breezy book to be enjoyed, but if you do read it, it won't be a waste of your time.

meet my GP, and my worst nightmare

hi blog. im not gonna teach you shit today because my AMH is too far away. (and thus begins the end of continuous self-learning)
im also irrationally angry because my good friend told me to get on steam to TF2 SO I DID AND IVE BEEN WAITING FOR 5 MINUTES ON MY LAPTOP FOR NO REASON. ive upped it a notch and turned on 2PM's Tired of Waiting.
let me instead tell you about my week. its been shitty but im gonna pretend its not. becaues i should be happy im not down for a genuine cause. id rather be sad for no reason that sad for a reason. makes sense ne? i should be crying tears of happiness and relief.
i made WONDERFUL use of my sparse free time by going to my local GP. i had CT scans and an MRI done like...LOL months and months ago and decided now would be a good time to go and have him tell me about my fabulous brain. dayum shake that medulla.
i dont think he even remembered about my scans cause he just stared blankly at me for 5 seconds then told me all is good (its love)
so i asked him how come my seizures happen like all the fucken time now, and he just WITHOUT A WARNING BEFOREHAND starts tapping my face and my arms. and being ticklish makes me look like the biggest douchebag. he ruled out strokes and heart attacks. which i beat him to like what over a year ago? get wid it. so then he starts trying to fix me. and like every other time, he's all for trial and error. it went something like this
GP: you might just be imagining all of this, because you feel that your condition opens you to such symptoms you naturally start feeling those symptoms
me: but i dont have a condition, so why would i start randomly imagining shit. IM HERE BECAUSE I WANT ANSWERS
GP: oh yes. which is why that reason is highly unlikely and probbaly not it at all.
me: gj
*at this stage he converts to vietnamese*
GP: the electricity currents between your nerves may be unregulated, affecting your sympathetic nervous system
i have no idea what that means. is he talking action potential? it gets better
GP: it may be that you are forgetting to breathe.
i am in uncontrolable fits of laughter. but my mum who was there says that ive never breathed properly like ever. apparently my breathes are too shallow and unfulfilling and uneven. it gets better.
having 'honed' in on this diagnosis, he then asks me more questions for more indicators. he told me to stop using my asthma pump too much.
i said mate, i do not have asthma. YOUVE GOT MY HISTORY THERE IN FRONT OF YOU TAKE A READ OF IT
at this stage, i decide to fill him in on my life. so i told him about my nightmares, my retarded feelings and how im like dizzy all the time. its the weakest ive been.
GP: uyen, you are going through a break up.
me: no im not
GP: are you sure? maybe it was a facebook relationship. its taking its emotional toll on you. your blood tests show youre deficient in everything. these are all indicators that young girls like yourself go through when they break up!!!!!
me: no im not out of any relationship. and im not stressed. and those blood tests are a year old..
GP: OH RALLLY? LETS HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
and that was basically the consultation. i feel very looked after. as if he even needs to debate with me my relatinship status. oh and as the appointment was drawing to a close, he told me to stop thinking.
oh yeah dr, just give me a sec while i stop thinking ==. LOL
I WAITED TWO HOURS, FOR THAT. and its not like its the first time this has happened. the last time, igot pissed so i switched to his wife instead, but she didnt have my records and she was so blunt and robotlike that i got scared.

but whatever. i still respect my doctor and trust him just sometimes i want to URGHHHH. but okay, whatever. if you wish to stick a bandaid on every wound before the antiseptic, so be it.

and have you met my worst nightmare? i had it again. its a cracker this one.
i dreamt that i lived in this..village-that for those that have read Frankenstein, had that kind of feel. very olden day, and everyone was pooor LOL. but anyways, i was poor too. and there was a grand dracula-like vampire who lived at the hill of the village, in his scary castle. i know, it sounds soooo cliche. like someone sue her for copying every vampire movie out there. but anyways, this vampire 'fell in love' with me. and it was all dandy and i was head over heels and light with happiness and joy.
now this vampire was very 'theatrical' in his feeding. he liked to be flamboyant and have a grand scare and just mess with everyone. he wanted his towns people crazy. whenever he needed to feed, people would run screaming like mad men, with torhces lit by stick of wood (lmao) and itd be your classic horror movie scene. except id be happy, because he loved me. it was weird LOL. and i had mud smears on my face cuase i was poor.
anyways one night, when he was hungry, he went on his usual dramatic kill. and i was standing on the sidelines watching everyone run like crazy with a weird smile on my face. and then for some reason, his chosen victim was ME. i still remember the crushed feeling i had. like SOOOO heartbroken. me? ME? I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME! that kind of feeling.
and he said that because we had something special, it is only right that my death be supreme to the rest. i was petrified.
he decided he wanted to have a really hearty meal and savour killing me. so he made this game, which i dont really remmeber, but it basically ended with 3 numbers displayed in the air..LOL. because thats totally possible.
the numbers weree 67, 123 and i dont remember the third. by now the entire village was surrounding me, as if entranced in a spell of sadism. and the Count said that the numbers represented how many litres of blood he was going to inject into me. and i got soooo scared, but for some reason i could NOT move at all! so he LOL he got out a blood transfusion thing i saw in city hunter, and put 67 litres in me. and i felt sooo bloated, and my skin had cracks in it with blood seeping through, splurting in some places. and i was throwing up blood and it felt horrible and painful. and then he put 123 L in and i felt as if every part of my body and every cell was under sooo much pressure and i was basically just a sponge, soaked in blood. blood everywhere. blood in every crease of my body, every cell every atom. i could not move and i felt so soggy and gross and just bloody, he went in for the kill.
and then i woke up.

dr phil, my husband and I

HEEEYYY BLOG so sorry for spamming you, but you've become the person ('person') i most long to talk to. you're so complacent and you deal with me and you let me talk about myself without having to feel like im being a burden. i am basically your master and commander :) (calm down christian grey)
my pocket dr phil, except i dont really have issues that need to be laid out. so my pocket imaginary friend that doesn't make me look retarded.

today im quite joyous. daddy finally decided its time to go see a doctor. awaiting results from hospital. fingers and toes crossed. my intestines crossed. my villi crossed. LOL weirdo. on a related note, ive decided to cancel an op i had lined up. i dunno why. do you ever do that thing where if you give up one thing you think you will get the other? like if i take my name off the list, the... medical spirits will grant daddy full health? LOL

i also want to adopt a stray chihuahua. bonnie needs a partner :( but i dont think dog pounds usually get chihuahuas do they? omg imagine them getting put down :( they dont even take that much space!!
i also have the incredible urge to sponsor a child, but i dont really know the mechanics of that and since i havent put in any effort to look into it, im going to assume that i just dont feel enough about it at this stage. when i get married and my husband wants a child, i can tell him we shall adopt a child in africa and love him/her from afar. and the more he complains about hcildren, the more chihuahuas will magically appear in our household. LOL im joking. i cannot afford that lifestyle. and i have allergies.

my internet has also been very slow this past week. which is slowly driving me to insanity. i've also been reading haruki which is driving me crazy cause i dont get what im supposed to be getting from it cuase it is quite boring. i can barely keep my eyes open when i read it. but im sure the problem is to do with me because he's a legend apparently.