i wish creativity embraced me
i wish rights and wrongs were like black and white, and the only grey that existed was my favourite color
i wish i had the courage to do what my mind can only contemplate
i wish there was some magical entity in the world that laid every song, every food, every shoe that would be of my liking in front of me
i wish that as i reach up to grab the last copy of an epic novel, a guy will do the same and we end up reading it together and falling in love
i wish youth was eternal
i wish homeless people didnt exist -in that they all live stable lives, not that they disappear off this earth
i wish i was super skilled with makeup
i wish for like..a chip of the richest person's money
i wish practise really did make perfect
i wish feeling okay was enough
i wish i went with all the decisions i come up with in the shower
i wish all my wishes could come true
i wish i didnt wish all this
Saturday, June 30, 2012
probably worth a read?
Theres this new drug out and its called TOUGHEN THE FUCK UP. and you basically apply this to the area of your brain and your widdle, poor heart whenever you feel like being a grouch and fucking everyone over. use in moderation. because god forbid you become too emotionally stable.
some lifestyle changes i would recommend include: counting your blessings, looking at the bigger picture, and leaving me the fuck alone if you find my company and assistance has been useless after two weeks.
i udnerstand that we all go through hard times- its life, but can i help it if i dont enjoy being miserable all day everyday? im human, i have emotions that are undesirable. i see youre going through a rough patch, but your life is not my life. and i do care, just not enough to prioritise you forevs and evs. i do want my friends to be happy, but im not going to go on a mission i know im going to fail. not a massive-leap-of-faith kinda girl.
and im sorry i cant be your teddy to have and to hold. im a stellar service, utilise it. (that was a joke, laugh or else ill look like a retarded snob)
and im also sorry if youre reading this and thinking im bitching about you, cuase unless ive expressed it myself to you personally, no its not you. what am i saying, ==, most of my readers are canadian strangers. and before that sounds racist or anything, most of my readers really are canadians. and chances are, theyre not actually readers but accidental stumblers. :) by all means, keep on stumblin' over this paragraph and out of my blog.
annnd also! dear beloved closest friends of mine (you know who you are), im always here for you. really. because i genuinely from the bottom of my heart want you to achieve all that you want, and have all that you need and i wish you a lifetime of happiness and success. and with that feeling, ill want to make you happy, whether it be being your shoulder to cry on, or someone you can share yourself with. ew that sounded really bad. but ill leave it up tehre anyway. cuse you know i dont mean it in any bad way. and if you read it that way, youve got a dirty mind. and before you say anything.. NO im not dirty for seeing it that way becuase i dont see it that way, im just assessing all the possible interpretations of my words :). and if you cant really see anything bad or dirty in it at all, then YEAH. EXACTLY MY POINT. BOOM SHAKALAKA.
and btw, random but, the phrase 'from the bottom of my heart' is so weird! i know i just used it before but its so weird! ever since i was a kid with issues (that was a joke, laugh or else ill look like i was a kid with issues) i always thought that the bottom of my heart would be a very lonely place. cause its the smallest part and its like..its the bottom. like the bottom of a dark ocean. down there, creatures need like super high tech skills to survive. so like, yeah. i imagine it to be very gloomy and yeah. like a corner of the room. so yeah. i feel bad for all the words and emotions that get put into the bottom of people's hearts. like puhhhhlease biyatch, THOSE POOR THINGS DO NOT BELONG THERE. they belong to the most active, crucial points of the heart. THE 4 CHAMBER OF SECRETSS. I LOVE YOU FROM THE PULMONARY VEIN TO THE AORTIC ARCH. that would be my entire heart. shit just got serious. (and NO, if i got my heart anatomy wrong, dont correct me)
some lifestyle changes i would recommend include: counting your blessings, looking at the bigger picture, and leaving me the fuck alone if you find my company and assistance has been useless after two weeks.
i udnerstand that we all go through hard times- its life, but can i help it if i dont enjoy being miserable all day everyday? im human, i have emotions that are undesirable. i see youre going through a rough patch, but your life is not my life. and i do care, just not enough to prioritise you forevs and evs. i do want my friends to be happy, but im not going to go on a mission i know im going to fail. not a massive-leap-of-faith kinda girl.
and im sorry i cant be your teddy to have and to hold. im a stellar service, utilise it. (that was a joke, laugh or else ill look like a retarded snob)
and im also sorry if youre reading this and thinking im bitching about you, cuase unless ive expressed it myself to you personally, no its not you. what am i saying, ==, most of my readers are canadian strangers. and before that sounds racist or anything, most of my readers really are canadians. and chances are, theyre not actually readers but accidental stumblers. :) by all means, keep on stumblin' over this paragraph and out of my blog.
annnd also! dear beloved closest friends of mine (you know who you are), im always here for you. really. because i genuinely from the bottom of my heart want you to achieve all that you want, and have all that you need and i wish you a lifetime of happiness and success. and with that feeling, ill want to make you happy, whether it be being your shoulder to cry on, or someone you can share yourself with. ew that sounded really bad. but ill leave it up tehre anyway. cuse you know i dont mean it in any bad way. and if you read it that way, youve got a dirty mind. and before you say anything.. NO im not dirty for seeing it that way becuase i dont see it that way, im just assessing all the possible interpretations of my words :). and if you cant really see anything bad or dirty in it at all, then YEAH. EXACTLY MY POINT. BOOM SHAKALAKA.
and btw, random but, the phrase 'from the bottom of my heart' is so weird! i know i just used it before but its so weird! ever since i was a kid with issues (that was a joke, laugh or else ill look like i was a kid with issues) i always thought that the bottom of my heart would be a very lonely place. cause its the smallest part and its like..its the bottom. like the bottom of a dark ocean. down there, creatures need like super high tech skills to survive. so like, yeah. i imagine it to be very gloomy and yeah. like a corner of the room. so yeah. i feel bad for all the words and emotions that get put into the bottom of people's hearts. like puhhhhlease biyatch, THOSE POOR THINGS DO NOT BELONG THERE. they belong to the most active, crucial points of the heart. THE 4 CHAMBER OF SECRETSS. I LOVE YOU FROM THE PULMONARY VEIN TO THE AORTIC ARCH. that would be my entire heart. shit just got serious. (and NO, if i got my heart anatomy wrong, dont correct me)
Friday, June 22, 2012
my reading appetite
reading has always been my favourite pasttime, but ive been so disappointed in myself these past years! ive developed such narrowed taste in what i read, and what i read nowadays are soo mainstream! twilight, hunger games, vampire acadamy, 50 shades etc. i find it so shaming. i blame twilight. ever since then, i cut off every single book but THAT ONE SERIES. and it was a hard battle to stray from that series.
from childhood onwards, id read a wide variety of books, of different genres, target audiences and different authors. i explored a lot with books. i didnt neglect anything, i was willing to give anything a go.
i remmeber telling my friends sometimes to just pick a book off a shelf, and off id go to read it. now ive narrowed my scope down sooo much. i judge by the front cover, the thickness, the genre, the author. if its mainstream, ill give it a go, if its got 'BESTSELLER', ill give it a go. if its fantasy -spare vampires, NO. if its part of a series i dont know of, NO. if no ones recommended it to me, NO. if i dont recognise it, NO. the pleasure i get from delving into a story has always been the same from prep to now, except im becoming way too picky.
and its saddening for me cause im doing so much less of it (reading).
there will come a day where i just wont have time for it anymore. i just spent a whole day playing tf2 and tiny towers when ive got the lastest instalment of bones to read.
it feels like such a slap in the face becuase reading has ALWAYS been something ive ALWAYS assumed will be a staple in my life. books used to educate me, but with what im reading nowadays, they only entertain me. im such a TEAM EDWARD EVERDEEN CHRISTIAN GREY kind of girl. which kind of really sucks. this coming holiday im going to try and embrace that prior passion i had for books. i want an open and nonjudgemental relationship with these babies, otherwise before i know it, 99% of these books will be unreadable to me.
but my taste aside, IM SO EXCITED BY THIS RELEASE:
from childhood onwards, id read a wide variety of books, of different genres, target audiences and different authors. i explored a lot with books. i didnt neglect anything, i was willing to give anything a go.
i remmeber telling my friends sometimes to just pick a book off a shelf, and off id go to read it. now ive narrowed my scope down sooo much. i judge by the front cover, the thickness, the genre, the author. if its mainstream, ill give it a go, if its got 'BESTSELLER', ill give it a go. if its fantasy -spare vampires, NO. if its part of a series i dont know of, NO. if no ones recommended it to me, NO. if i dont recognise it, NO. the pleasure i get from delving into a story has always been the same from prep to now, except im becoming way too picky.
and its saddening for me cause im doing so much less of it (reading).
there will come a day where i just wont have time for it anymore. i just spent a whole day playing tf2 and tiny towers when ive got the lastest instalment of bones to read.
it feels like such a slap in the face becuase reading has ALWAYS been something ive ALWAYS assumed will be a staple in my life. books used to educate me, but with what im reading nowadays, they only entertain me. im such a TEAM EDWARD EVERDEEN CHRISTIAN GREY kind of girl. which kind of really sucks. this coming holiday im going to try and embrace that prior passion i had for books. i want an open and nonjudgemental relationship with these babies, otherwise before i know it, 99% of these books will be unreadable to me.
but my taste aside, IM SO EXCITED BY THIS RELEASE:
havent got my hands all over this darling yet BUT I WILLL ASAP ALEGKJERG.
also, dymock's TOP TEN list right now is totally dominated by the 50 shades trilogy (see what i did there HAHAHA) which is awesome. and hunger games.
and if we switch over to collins bookseller's TOP SELLERS, topping the charts is also 50 shades &co., followed by the golden lily and hunger games series.
let us take a moment to freeze time, and be super excited :D
thats all
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
random thought train
theres a lot of poverty in this world. theres also a lot of tragedy, sadness and loss. death is inevitable. if you take away all this serious shit, life is still unsatisfactory.
we all need something that we dont have. we all want something that we dont need.
when have you felt content for an extended period of time?
essentially, my proposition is, what if happiness is just a luxurious abnormality of life? what if life isnt meant to be happy, and we're all chasing something unattainable until we die.
i dont believe the average person would be happy. if emotions were tangible, and you were to place htem all in a jar, i doubt youd see a lot of happy. a lot of us, (or at least i do) set happiness as a benchmark for the standard emotion. we expect to be happy, if we're sad we think somethings wrong. if we think lifes fucked up, we call ourselves depressed.
but what if we're just asking for too much? what if life is meant to be as dull and as pointless as a lot of people find it is. happiness isnt meant for all. so maybe we should stop trying to be happy. and just live. and stop trying to define and endorse happiness. and maybe just settle for alive, healthy and content.
half of me feels like i just wrote a passage stating the obvious. and the other half of me feels like im being emo. but im srsly not emo LOL. i was just curious from a post on tumblr i saw. it was a simple 'did you know' that said there was a scientist who wrote a paper about how happiness should be classified as a psychiatric disease. couldnt find the article. but it raises a fair point doesnt it? true happiness is quite rare so why do we set happy as the norm? like maybe we're all meant to feel like shit. and those fleeting moments of happiness we feel, we spend our entire life trying to feel again. and we subconsciously do so by getting money to indulge ourselves, falling in love and playing on other people's insecurities.
but then again, if we dont try to find happiness, what becomes of us?
i personally hate writing blogs like these. where i tlak like im some pothead philosopher without a degree but i started typing and everything just vame out LOL. i generally dont do this whole reflective shit anyway but when i do i always want to store it somewhere. cause its not often i get down and dirty with THE MEANING OF LIFE dundundun!! anyways, i promise ill keep them scarce.
until next time :)
we all need something that we dont have. we all want something that we dont need.
when have you felt content for an extended period of time?
essentially, my proposition is, what if happiness is just a luxurious abnormality of life? what if life isnt meant to be happy, and we're all chasing something unattainable until we die.
i dont believe the average person would be happy. if emotions were tangible, and you were to place htem all in a jar, i doubt youd see a lot of happy. a lot of us, (or at least i do) set happiness as a benchmark for the standard emotion. we expect to be happy, if we're sad we think somethings wrong. if we think lifes fucked up, we call ourselves depressed.
but what if we're just asking for too much? what if life is meant to be as dull and as pointless as a lot of people find it is. happiness isnt meant for all. so maybe we should stop trying to be happy. and just live. and stop trying to define and endorse happiness. and maybe just settle for alive, healthy and content.
half of me feels like i just wrote a passage stating the obvious. and the other half of me feels like im being emo. but im srsly not emo LOL. i was just curious from a post on tumblr i saw. it was a simple 'did you know' that said there was a scientist who wrote a paper about how happiness should be classified as a psychiatric disease. couldnt find the article. but it raises a fair point doesnt it? true happiness is quite rare so why do we set happy as the norm? like maybe we're all meant to feel like shit. and those fleeting moments of happiness we feel, we spend our entire life trying to feel again. and we subconsciously do so by getting money to indulge ourselves, falling in love and playing on other people's insecurities.
but then again, if we dont try to find happiness, what becomes of us?
i personally hate writing blogs like these. where i tlak like im some pothead philosopher without a degree but i started typing and everything just vame out LOL. i generally dont do this whole reflective shit anyway but when i do i always want to store it somewhere. cause its not often i get down and dirty with THE MEANING OF LIFE dundundun!! anyways, i promise ill keep them scarce.
until next time :)
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