Valaria Lukyanova

i was waiting for more lives on candy crush saga today, when i came across Valaria.

REAL LIFE BARBIE. My initial reaction of her was like ...ew that's messed up. (dont even get me started on the 'ken'), but like WOW.

the more i found out about her, the more interesting she became. She's a model from Russia who claims she tranformed herself via breast implants, make up and lots of dieting. LOTS of dieting. she says she is from a planet in outer space who landed among humans. her plan is to one day not need food in general and rely off the sun's rays for energy. she eats nothing, just drinks lol and plans to slowly stop that too when her body will let her. which is never lol. she tried to suicide when she was 14, and used to have an hourglass figure. she's also married. not to ken :(

the more i look at her, the prettier she becomes. her body looks really unhealthy and unreal, but it still looks so nice. lol. is there somethign wrong with me? she's fucking hot!

 but really scary.

i saw her youtube channel too, and without make up she looks sooo much better. like a real real barbie.
is this what perfection is? but its just so different from us that we see it as retardation?

the more pictures i see of her, the more awe struck i become because come onnn how many of us played with barbies as a kid? i LOVED my barbies to bits, so its kind of wowing to see your childhood favourite toy come to life and exist. its both amazing and creepy.

ken is a different story. he looks like a fugly duck. LOL he was too ceebs with working out so he got silicon muscles added all throughout his body and buttocks. then he fixed his face too.

valaria met with that ken and they both bagged the shits out of eachother cause of their different approach to dollness. she was all diet/make up while he was all surgery/cut+edit

she looks really sad in her videos though, she never smiles. i guess its hard having to cover up who you really are all the time. she doesnt seem to see how GORGEOUS she is with all thatmake up off. ive read a few things she writes about, and she just seems so insecure about herself and lonely. she says she was only depressed because planet earth is a bit boring for her. lol. she constantly needs to talk about her superficial exterior and reassure herself that she is beautiful, being of barbie proportions and all. you can change how you look all you want, but that wont change you inside. she's pretty messed up. but thats just my opinion.

she does look unlike every other model though. and hot but in a disturbing way. this is what i imagine the pretties to look like in Scott Westerfeld's series. :P

my dream, my yesterday, my NY resolution

i had a dream yesterday night that I was reading a book. when i woke up i was like whatevs mate, BUT OMG i realised later that to have read a book, my mind would have had to conjure up a book. right? i dont remember the storyline much but it was about a girl and she was on the train tracks or some shit. DID MY SUBCONSCIOUS WRITE A BOOK WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE? HOWWW and damn i forgot everythigna bout it :(
i just remember being really bored by it so i was flicking through to different sections. dayum. this might have been the birth of Twilight Remixed but my brain had to go and forget it all. i just remember a girl, she was running along the train tracks lol. and she was part of some group that was against...something. i think she was running from something. oh and her beloved companion got run over or some shit. urgh. im assuming by a train.

i was at the rich fest yesterday. was it always that boring? every food stall sells the same shit so instead of coming tehre to EAT EVERYTHING, its more going there to stake out the stall that sells the BEST of the same shit. and so many tb boys. and so many people you havent seen in a while. it gets hard. like do i hug you? or do i just wave across the street? do i acknowledge you? is it bad that i just laughed at you?
LOLOL my friend said taht i was really rude and abrupt cause i just said hi then dismissed him when in actual fact i was thinking 'aw its so good to see you!'.
i was really sleepy that day cause i had to get up at 5am that day to help my dear friend. it was so funny LOL. we planned for her to pick me up at 5:30 but when i woke up at 5 i foudn out she was more than ready to pick me up. so i literally had 10 minutes to get out of bed, use the bathroom and get changed. in the dark. i lost my phone somewhere in that time and it was hell holding a massive ipad creeping around looking for it. but it was more than hilarious now that i think back on it. id make a really shitty robber, but ive acquired new ninja skills. i also know how to fit a table into a car. maybe i can rob tables.


with my new years resolution, ive changed my mind about it like ten times. i really ceebs writing a story LOL. ive been writing small tidbits about candid moments in my life which i randomly remember, but i really fail at establishing distinguishing tones between characters. it all sounds liekt he same person is talking to the same person LOL. and theyre all such weak moments. tbh, it sounds like this blog LOL. but with more dialogue. like if i were to talk to myself in front of a mirror, you would hvae what ive been writing lol. BLEURGHHARGL. ive also half given up on my book blog. i suck so much at all this technical stuff, so its really hard to make it look unique. but then again, every other book blog out there looks absolutely busyt and stunning so my plain format in itself is one-of-a-kind. but it also screams out LAZY and INCOMPETENT. most of the time, i am neither. ive also read a few books since and havent bothered writing any review and i can barely remember whether or not i hated it or loved it sooooooo ...

i also havent been reading. no more time. my life begs me to live it.

i want change

Hi blog.
I'm feeling quite ...I dunno today.
3 main things running through my mind

1. A number of people are leaving my course this year. We're a small cohort so one departure becomes very obvious. So five departures become really ...obvious too lol. And the sadness of knowing you'll never bother uttering another word to these people again is kind of sad. Relationships between acquaintances are so fragile. It's like a thin thread, as delicate as a spider's web, between the two of you, and the slightest of breezes can break that. That's how it feels. But that aside it makes me feel so envious of them. This year, their life is changing, and they've made life changing decisions and they'll be experiencing new things, learning new things and meeting new people. Key word: NEW. They'll be thrown into a whole new world, while for me, nothing changes. :( Am I being too self centered? yes, but see if i care.
i feel like i need to do something out of character. i want to do something so silly that the next time someone i hardly know asks me how i am, its not just 'oh the usual, you?'. instead it'll be 'im moving to amsterdam' or 'im suffering from chronic alcoholism'. maybe not the latter.

in 3 years i will either be a pharmacist or a failed pharmacy intern. And although that looked promising in year 12, right now i feel too familiar with the duties of a pharmacist. It'll be like easing into a used sock. LOL i wish i didn't know how to dispense, i wish i didnt know what community pharmacy involves, i wish i didn't know the duty of a pharmacist, i wish my job had more mystery. i wish pharmacy was like a wrapped gift, and after 4 years you can finally open it and be like HOLY SHIT I DIDNT EXPECT THAT i wish it could surprise me at every corner. although that's probably a bad thing for that profession (picturing a customer vomiting all over the floor than fainting).
right now i really HATE how my life is so decided. everything about me is a fact. there's no room for change or second guesses. every feeling and opinion i have is a fact in my reality. and because theyre all facts, there's no room for me to feel anything else other than what i feel. like, i know what kind of life i will have and the things i will own and the people i would love because i wont have it any other way.
and now i cant change my mind anymore !! itll be throwing away 2 years of tertiary education. so ..16k? but even then, i know i want pharmacy. im shit at art and i do want to know all about drugs, but i wish it didnt come so early. you know what actually, i wish pharmacy didnt barrack for you to gain heaps of experience so that by the time you graduate, your transition would be seamless. where's the fun in that?

if i were to have applied for a different course, i would have gone either forensics/law or criminology/forensics. just give me a ...double square (4 edges..4. no?) degree of forensics/law/criminology/psychology. I would have applied for that but then i would have rejected it because you only need an ATAR of like 50 to enter (sorry bleurgh) and id only be in it for curiosity around the subject. as if i can saw my way through a dead body. i was telling my friend today that i kind of liked having a dream that you wont ever achieve. because that leaves something there always for you to chase should you ever need a goal. and i think its kind of romantic, the notion of never being able to achieve it becuase your dream will always be there and it wont change. i could study anthropology and find it to be the most draining thing ever, but im not gonna know that becuase im not touching it. so the image of my dream is never tarnished.
i think im just thinking that to comfort myself. i applied that logic based on what i feel about male attraction LOL. like..some retarded part of me wants to never get into a relationship with anyone interested in you. so then they can never lose the attraction towards you. is that weird? like for example. you meet a guy at a bar. he goes 'hey! youre interesting, can i have your number?' you go 'sure its 0431 343 ***' and you hit off. then when he goes for the 'lets have dinner' you stop talking to him. so you never end up being anything, and you never end up breaking anything. so the image he has of you is never ruined. you will not stop being interesting to him becuase there was no chance for you to disprove it. unless he was actually serious and now thinks youre a bitch. even then, at least an interesting bitch.

mm tangents.

i finished reading Something Borrowed today and that made me feel very nostalgic of times when i was younger. As a child i always looked forward to when id be 25. 25 for me was The Age. i imagined being all dressed up, answering a lot of phone calls and having a big diary to write things in. i didnt realise till i was older that i was envisioning a secretary lol. i pictured id be married at this age and he'd be wearing a prince outfit. he'd have all this money for me to spend and I'd be busy, busy lol. maybe we'll even have a family. and my wedding dress had puffed sleeves (ewww!) like snow white even though i hate her. i drew it so many times i can probably still draw it now lol.
i think this is why ive been reading so much chick-lit. reading about the life of a 20-something year old really bought me back to that stage in my childhood where i was excited for the future. living the adult life! where has that feeling gone???? i feel like i know it now anyway. ill be 25, working as a pharmacist (granted i succeed) with no lunch breaks. i wont be dressed up, i wont have a giant book, and i will probably dread phone calls. I won't be married because i dont want to be. and i wont hvae children because i cant stand them. I'll also be at the doctors asking for a check up on my lungs LOL.

bottom line is i probbaly hate how there's too much security in my life. there's no question marks anywhere. nothing in my future for me to think about. nothing to look forward too. and i dont even hate pharmacy. i guess i just dont like how pharmacy has all its subjects set already and a job area set too. having said all that, i bet pharmacy is a whole new world but becuase im 19 and young, i think i already know everything there is to know about life when i actually dont. i usually a resister to change, but i want it now. i should be proactive about this, and do something outrageous. like...burn twilight (lol im joking). maybe ill settle for changing into a new set of PJs instead. kiddding!

i need to stop reading and face my reality. these books only make me more and more sad about myself LOL which is quite pathetic i tell you. i really need a change in scenery. or maybe meet someone new. i want a SHINY NEW TOY.

and ive forgotten what the two other points i was gonna raise were.

what do i want

hi.
i just finished confessions of a shopaholic lol. i ceebs writing a review, but slowly, im moving everything to my alternate blog!! its still on private cause theres nothing there and i need to learn how to draw a carrot professionally. ive developed a ranking system for books via carrots! like i rate this book [picture of 4 carrots]. Lol i feel so organised. but i havent done shit yet, so im not going to get excited i swear.
i literally spent an ENTIREEEE night ( i kid you not, AN ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT) trying to find an appropriate URL for my blog. i just sat there in my bed staring into space trying to induce creativity. some ideas i had jotted down were 'bucketofbooks' *taken*, booktalk *taken*, livetoread *no i have a life*. i also felt smug about 'readspeak' cause then i can show off that i've read orwell's 1984 (forgive me) but then that's taken too. probably by someone who reads all those literary masterpieces, as her URL cleaaarly suggests. then i started thinking of books as vodka for your brains which led to really misleading URLs (which were coincidentally all available for the taking), but obviously, no.
so in the end, in really lame tears, i just typed in ************* pressed CREATE BLOG and it went through. I brought this onto myself, so im not gonna complain. pretty sure thats how i created my omgpop username too. (i remmeber potatogirl was taken by someone, i was sooo exasperated so i went along with it)

on a random note, im really quite upset. my mum keeps on thinking im really depressed with my life. which im not. i have a job, im on my way to a stable career, i have friends i love and i enjoy my hobby. but she keeps on going 'oh don't be sad that blahblah' or 'are you sad because blahblah?' 'oh uyen, please dont be sad because of blahblah', 'oh you're not sad because of blahblah are you?' like omg, for the last time, NO IM NOT SAD. i chucked a fit before telling her that you know IM NOT FUCKING SAD?! DO YOU WANT ME TO BE SAD? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SAD? DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME SAD? DO I LOOK SAD? WHY WOULD I BE SAD? NO IM NOT SAD
and then when i tell her im not sad, she then tells me certain things to do or a way to behave so that my sister can become bruce lee meets hulk. She's a grown girl, she doesnt need a personal trainer.
but then i realise saying all that just makes me look sad. but seriously, wth? and she keeps on like, urgh she probably thinks she's my dr phil. newsflash, i dont need one. bring that bloke to me, ill give him some fucking counselling myself. 'if you were a fucking professional counseller, you wouldnt commercialise psychological issues by making a show out of it. its called client confidentiality. privacy, you know? oh and here's some regaine and some more fashionable glasses'. (im assuming he's bald and he wears old fashioned glasses)

minor hiccup aside, i bought this pink spiral book like agesss ago (impulse buy) and ive finally found a use for it. in conf. of a shopaholic, becky at the start wrote down all her purchases, each day. its like the most pointless thing ever, but i really want to do it!! not doing it to save, i dont spend like an animal, but im really curious to see if any patterns emerge. and itll be like storing memories!! one day when im ..in 2014, i can look back and be like 'OHHH UYEN, REMEMBER THAT TIME WE BOUGHT THOSE CRACKERS?' or maybe 'OHHH UYEN, YOU BOUGHT THOSE SHOES FOR $1? NO WONDER ITS BROKEN' or maybe it can be used as evidence before the jury if i get robbed. 'I CLEARLY BOUGHT THOSE HEELS ON THE 10TH OF APRIL!' and i can finally use that notebook. but i might buy a prettier one. it depends how seriously i take this thing. do i write in it as soon as i buy something? cause then ill need one i can carry around, or do i reflect at the end of the day? then it can be ugly and haggard cause no one will see it but me. i might keep it at home otherwise ill feel inclined to buy a lot of shit just to write in a nice book.
its a shame that its not hte start of the year though. it feels dirty and wrong to be starting something in the middle of a month.

i feel like i need a personal diary lol. i cant stop talking lol. which reminds me. i was in the shower the other day and i was thinking about my blog. and i think ive found out what i find most endearing about you.
when we die, everything that's contained inside our brain dies. all our thoughts, our brain synapses and our ratty tatty tales all disappear and no one can vouch for their existence. like sure you can say 'oh uyen once said that the cloud is fat' when the truth is i thought the cloud was bulgy like a fat anaconda. no one will know that! but if its down somewhere, then yes, that thought of mine exists on a corner in this earth. does that make sense? like if i put my thoughts down on you blog for eg. then that thought of mine exists, and it is there for all to see, even long after i am gone. unless blogspot dies, or marks my blog as spam. maybe that's where a diary can come in. but diaries go yellow and require so much effort to write in :(
so in 100 years maybe, when blogspot is still standing, someone might click *go to random blog* if such an option exists and maybe MINE will pop up. and they may read it and go 'oh check this out! theres a uyen who thinks theres a cloud that looks like a fat anaconda'. and just like that, i will be again.

brainstorming about a possible new baby

hi blog. I've been thinking about whether or not I should open an alternate blog for my book reviews becuase I'm really clogging you up. I'm literally spamming you!! With books, do you even like books?

I think it could be quite fun, but i have a few qualms about it.
1. book blogs alllways have like hundreds of followers. i dont want my blog to be the outlier with 1 follower, being myself!!! that would be sooo sad. but at the same time, i dont want all these randoms reading my reviews becuase its not like i write for a specific audience. and i dont want to have to write for an audience, because then ill get really paranoid and attempt to write a good review which would be only in vain. and then ill end up spending ages trying to write up a nice structured review. i cbf that. like if i were to write a blog that serves a purpose, i want it to be perfect, not halfassed.

2. my reading taste changes depending on my mood. im not always YA, im not always adult fiction, im not always romance, im not always dystopia, im not always fantasy so there's not gonna be a person who will appreciate my reviews lol. i took a browse around and they're always saying to have a target audience, and have a genre. MATEEE MY GENRE'S EVERYTHING. (but non-fiction. im here for a journey, not life lessons)

3. my main concern is that if i read a really crappy book, i can't say 'this is the most fucking shithouse book ever.' I'd have to justify it properly and be sensible and all "The characters were far too undeveloped [evidence] and the world building was just [not a swear word]."

4. these bloggers are like machines!! They churn out like 100 reviews a day. i have shit to do, i dont always have the time and money to read everything before it even touches the bookstore. i think it doesnt help that im looking to the most successful of blogs for inspiration cause it just makesme feel like ill be the massive laughing stock of all book bloggers if i were to start. like 'omg look at this girl, she calls that a book review?!'

5. i ceebs following other book bloggers LOL. they're all so nice and they promote each other and expand the community and shit. i lack the technological skills to do anything on my blog other than 'write new post' and 'publish'. i dont think id be able to swear either. what if a book is so crappy that it infuriates me? that happens. and i wontbe able to call it shit!! all the other bloggers are always so sensible when they diss a book. and they justify it too.

But on the pro side
1. you would be nice and light. i can keep you personal
2. i can tag my reviews i guess so that it can come up if people search it. id be so happy if people read my reviews and liked it!! I remember ages ago last year, a random replied to one of my half assed reviews and said that it was really good and she agreed with me. i was freaking ecstatic! like LET ME HUG YOU im not alone!!
3. if people read my reviews and liked it and followed me (omg im dreaming) they can recommend me books :D But omg how awkward if the book turns out really shitty.
4. and its not like im going to get absolutely NO ONE reading my blogs. i can always force friends. but that aside, my reviews here get around 10-20 views without my advertising or tagging or #ing. that's gotta mean something riiight? admittedly though, i think its becuase when people google image the book name, the picture i have uploaded comes up so thats probably where it comes from. or some spammer site. but stilllll, that's more than my personal posts at least so maybe i should move them out.
5. i can get creative!!!  book blogs always have to have a nice name and like some nice picture on the top. i can draw stuff and get crafty! i have no idea how to use artsy stuff on the computer though. and no way in hell am i going to be doing shit on paint. i can name it really corny stuff like 'BlanketofBooks.blogspot.com' and have a picture of an owl (cause theyre nocturnal) under a blanket at night with a flashlight reading a book! or maybe booknight LOOOL instead of goodnight. and have a massive book with the words LAME all over it. and i can have a really 'inspirational' (i use that word v/ lightly) motto like 'tackling the world, one book at a time' or something LOLOL. omg blogspot would sue me.
it all sounds horrid, but i copyright all that shit there. OH, what about bookstop? your one stop shop for ..book reviews. maybe ill keep it all really minimalistic. Just bookblog.blogspot.com.au.

maybe i should change my new years resolution to this. i already have like 40 book reviews anyway as a kick start. ill have to edit and structure them all though. is it possible to just have really disorderly book reviews? maybe i can pass it all off as my casual style. Like 'stop looking at me weird. im normal you're all just too tight arsed' maybe i can incorporate that into the name. like casualbookblog.blogspot.com
cause i admit, its so draining reading reviews. id much rather write them then read them thats for sure. so maybe if i can just keep it all to the point and hvae none of that polished, highlight-right-click-synonyms, structured essay, i can keep my blog casual as if its supposed to be. if that makes sense. im sorry for rambling blog. my excuse is that im brainstorming. if i had a book blog, id want my reviews to be as if im talking to the reader, not presenting some weird powerpoint presentation. my reviews aren't even horrible or anything, its just really utterly shit if you compare it to those who review with consideration of an audience. maybe ill have a little side note 'if you're a grammar nazi or cringe at swear words, get outta here you pussy'.

BR: Leviathan - Scott Westerfeld

This book is inspired by the World War 1, except for one twist: the nations are classed under two main fighters. They're the Darwinists and the Clankers (Of course you've always got your neutrals like say, Switzerland). The Darwinists are a group that use biology and natural life to create their weapons of war, taken after Charles Darwin himself. The Clankers, as their name suggests, use large machinery and clanky bits of metal for their warcraft machinery.
In the midst of the brewing way are two young adolescents: Deryn and Alek. Deryn is from the Darwinist side, a young girl who pretends to be a boy so she can go fight the war. Alek is brought up with Clanker beliefs and is a prince taht must be protected by all costs so that he may bring peace in the future. Long story lol and from this war, the strangest of alliances is formed.

This book was soo strange! Scott Westerfeld always brings something new to the table. The genre is described as steampunk? A blend of history, fiction and futurism. It is a completely new world when you read this, yet Westerfeld is clearly influenced by the evolution of science, engineering and politics. The narration itself has a very comical feel to it. People were dying and getting squished to death by metal and yet it was described as if an ant was getting squashed. I guess this book makes it very safe for children to read LOL. Like, there was a lot of action (well duh, its war), but somehow, there appears to be almost no violence? Lots of guns and deaths here, but no pain. Maybe because the heroine and hero are about 15, so their voice is very naive and funny to read.

Westerfeld's creations were also sooo imaginative. His descriptions of some of these contraptions were so confusing yet cool to read about. And did I mention the wonderful illustrations by Keith Thompson?

There are such beautiful scatterings of drawings like these throughout the novel which help you understand Westerfeld's descriptions. What you see in that picture is a Darwinist 'warship'. It is basically a massive whale that's been modified to function efficiently. Under the skin, there are glow worms that light the innards (which are passageways of the 'ship'). It runs basically like a hot air balloon, staying afloat via the release of Hydrogen from these bees that eat the flowers that also live inside the whale (long story). Reading about it is really wonderful. LOL and at the bottom of the whale are a shit tonne of cilia that help it steer the way. And there are also these bats that swallow metal plates and they fly to the enemy aircraft and fire the discs. It's amazing. It is probably a little inhumane though, the thought of combining different animals together to form a machine and my heart just about cringed when the poor whale was getting shot at (its still alive). So yes, the world building is simply AMAAAZING. There's this really beautiful map at the start too to show you the alliances across Europe which is worth spending 15 minutes looking at.

But the characters. I found the two main characters to be quite hard to stand. It was literally (it really is literally cause its a book LOL) only the plot and the beautiful world that kept me reading. They were too impulsive in the way that led to dire consequences and much too rash so it was just so aggravating to see them walk into their own peril. Alek is a bit more bearable than Deryn because while he's just stupid, Deryn's mean and much too up herself. I really admire the drawings of them though. Deryn is a girl pretending to be a boy and Keith Thompson draws it so well! You can see her feminine features coming through and the angles and shading and everything is soooo pretty.

It really reminds me of The Series of Unfortunate Events with the pencil drawings, the gradation and the angular faces. Argh swoooon.

The plot is straight forward enough. If you know what happens in a war, then you have your plot. It's an easy read if you're bored and looking to be wowed by a new world.

For me, the standout point were all the different creations and how they fare against one another. And the gorgeousss drawings. Everything else was kind of lacklustre. I definitely enjoyed his other books better. But its not to fault this book, steampunk really isn't my thing - I mean, I found City of Bones utterly shit despite the world falling at its knees.

BR: Where Rainbows End - Cecelia Ahern

This story follows a girl Rosie from her childhood to her senior days. What takes center stage is her friendship with Alex and all the trying events they go through. Such as him suddenly having to move away, forcing them to give long distance friendship a go. What's unique about this book is that the story is written entirely through emails, letters, instant messenger and notes passed during class. It's both a pain and a delight, trust me.

Cecelia Ahern is the author of book-made-into-movie PS, I Love You. I'd watched that movie with some girlfriends like two years ago, and I remember us all gushing at how bittersweet but lovely the story was. It was a tear jerker.
This one's quite the contrary. I dub it a korean drama, except you haven't got the eye candy to help you through each episode. I did not enjoy this book for a number of reasons. (I should have taken a hint from the title)

For one, this story reaches almost 600 pages. 600 pages of emails, letters and postcards. I find it quite boring when a story is told via recounting as opposed to present tense. Because it tells you the person is still alive. LOL. Not that I intended for her to die, but stillllll. It takes away the drama from the drama.
That's also 600 pages of the most boring drama. I do not care if your daughter is friends with a nose-picker.

I also find the protagonist, Rosie, a bit of a self-pitier. That's the worst kind of narrator to have. Rosie spends 600 pages complaining about something she could change. I remember at one point being so annoyed at her because she got angry at her friend for not asking her how her new job was. Like calm down. And then the next day you see her send a letter all about herself and her new job to her friend. ==.

And because I don't believe in fate (your life is in no way set for you), the fact that everything that happens in this book coincides at the perfect times annoys me. Like, the story-line basically has this central issue. And every time this central issue is about to be resolved, fat intervenes and stops it from happening. That's cool for the first 100 pages but you've got to cut it after that man. It's like in korean dramas how they always have the guy looking for the girl or vice versa, and then there's that scene where they walk past each other without knowing. IMAGINE THAT, for the ENTIRE BOOK. Nightmare!

Also with the lingo used, scattering typos here and there does not make it 'child's handwriting'. Neither does saying really intentionally cute things. In reality, when kids write, they write really weird shit that makes you question their sanity. Take it from me, I have 3 young cousins. And since when could a 5 year old type an email? How do they even know how to use a computer?
That's what also bugs me, why are kids so young emailing and chatting with each other?  It just doesn't seem realistic. If I had a kid (IF), I wouldn't randomly make it email to a kid all the way in another continent. ==.

And the only moment of relief you get in the entire novel is the last paragraph. The entire book is a lead up to the last paragraph which in itself doesn't present much either. God I really feel like I've wasted my time.

I'm trying to think of something good to say to end this review on a good note. If you're looking for a book about friendship and love and life's dramas, I suggest you pick up One Day instead. Same themes, different take. (No offence Cecelia, PS ILY was good..?)

A HOLE IN MY EARS

I just broke up a packet of two minute noodles, poured the powder in, shook and ate. Did anyone else do this as a child? It tastes like my childhood memories. I'm joking, but I thought it sounded soppy so I threw it in. My childhood actually tastes like tears. Only because everything made me cry.

My parents drove past Fitzroy (my old hometown *shudder) the other day and pointed out a flat we used to live in. I would have been older than five at the time. Surprisingly, I have no recollection whatsoever. I knew there was this other place we stayed in but not this flat! My mind toyed with the idea that maybe something so horrific happened that my brian has suppressed it. But then I realised my life isn't that dramatic and its more likely that I just have shit memory. But I've been thinking of it for ages and I still cannot recall the flat.

I still remember my very first birthday. I didn't know it was my first birthday when I first remembered it. It was a split second memory of a man and a woman laughing at me. I was frustrated by how they weren't behaving the way I wanted them to, so I cried and smashed the birthday cake with my hands. Of course, at the time, I didn't know it was a man and a woman, I did not know it was my birthday, and I did not know my feelings were called 'anger' and 'frustration'. I just felt it. And I somehow knew they were laughing at me. I told my mum about this moment and she was like :O 'Uyen, that was your very first birthday. You cried the entire time.' Then she showed me pictures of it, and I remembered the cake (cause it was a fucken cupcake, mom, dad.) and the man and woman. They were family friends. Who later on became thieves who stole our carpet when we moved into our first house. ( I still remember seeing them drive off with our green carpet, herpderp, welcome to Fitzroy) But I think back now and my main question is Why Green Carpet? That's so unconventional and gross. If you wanted a green floor, just step into the backyard mate. Why does my house have green carpet? :( It's not even a nice green, it is like, such an average green with no side story to it. It's not a green that makes you wonder if its really a blue and it's not a green that you've never seen before. It is the most generic and green, green carpet you can get. It is so utterly green that you can't even describe it in any other way.

Wow, my crushed two minute noodles really side tracked me. I came today to tell you blog, that I GOT MY EARS PIERCED. It wasn't a decision I thought about or planned. My collegue was just like, LET'S PIERCE YOUR EARS UYEN :D'
And I was like 'OKAY :D'
And then I realised what I'd just okayed and was mortified when I found two guns pointed at me. To others this seems like nothing, but I'm sooo so scared of needles (let alone a needle shoved in a gun) so I feel very proud of what I have done. It doesn't even hurt. I mean, it kills, but not in that writhing in agony kind of way. It's like a dull ache that you can forget about/get used to.
As my first pair of earrings, I chose my birthstone. March's birthstone is Aquamarine. My first initial thought was Aquamarine is not a stone, it sounds like either a colour or a swimming pool. Or a job occupation. Like "Hi, I'm Uyen, I'm an aquamarine down at the local aquarium.' My sister's birthstone is a bloody sapphire and I'm stuck with a dolphin trainer or some shit. I just googled it and some goddamn mermaid popped up. Great. I've probably got a mermaid's bra as my birthstone. But that aside, I've got aquamarine in my ear and it has to stay there for an entire month!! I wanna show it off anyway and pretend its the best stone that's ever happened to me. Who needs diamonds, I've got AQUAMARINE! lmao

I've also made no progress with my new years resolution. I've started writing random tidbits because how the hell do you creative write so I hope that will get the gears working and somehow inspire me. I can't wait to be inspired.

2013 NY Resolution

i wasn't gonna do one because ive lost all hope with resolutions. you just feel so retarded after you realise that you did not achieve your goal. IF I CANT ACHIEVE A SINGLE GOAL, WHAT IS THERE TO LIFE? nah im kidding, thats too dramatic.
Anyways, so i was taking a shower and contemplating life, like all shower-goers do, and i had an idea.

my new years resolution is going to be to write a book. as in, a story. Not a published book or anything, although that would be lovely :(
Like, i want to write a story that is bulky enough to be called a novel if binded up. i feel like im being overly ambitious, heck i KNOW i am, but its been my dream since i could read, so why not start early to be let down early and move on early? i have this sheet i wrote in year 7 which asked me what i wanted a career in and i wrote author thats partially healthy (i dunno why i said the latter). i would actually be so happy if i could achieve this. like SOOOO happy. ive written stories when i was younger that were like 5 notebooks long, BUT I NEVER FINISHED THEM. maybe becuase i had no plan so i had no idea how to end. im typing this time so it should be easier. and im planning! not gonna draft though, cbf with that.
I SO WANNA ACHIEVE IT THIS YEAR.
I have no idea how im going to start. maybe im gonna get to know my protagonist first, and then plan out a story from her personality. Yes its gonna be a her because im not familiar with how guys think, and i just find their perspective so boring and dispassionate (sorry) and i dont want to deal with guy shit like 'morning wood'. every book from a male view goes into that and its the most awkward thing to read ever.

I would love to do fantasy, something like discovering a whole new world, but i dont think i can commit to it, keep up with the different elements or write it so that its visual and interesting enough. So im gonna keep it to the real stuff. which means no vampires.

im actually bubbling with excitement. like omgg creative writing, i havent touched that in ages!!! i dont care if i write the shittest story this town has ever seen, as long as i feel as if ive written the most boss story ever. itll be so fun!! this drive in me will probably wilt as soon as i write this post but WOOOO!! WRITER'S BLOCK HERE I COMEEEE

i will write the most epic plan, and create the most epic characters and write the most epic story i have ever written!!

Apple's security sucks shit

My goddamn apple ID got hacked somehow and I thought that could easily be fixed because 

1. apple is a very big company. surely they are prepared for situations like this

2. surely they have prompted enough information about me when i created the account for me to be able to prove myself when i need to

3. apple is rich enough to invest in proper security

WRONG. FUCKEN WRONG. 

I am so angry. I'm livid with ANGER. AND RAGE. PMS X 1000 ON YOUR ASS APPLE. AND PMS X 10000383475029842932 ANDREW FUCKING PHAN. I WILL SUE YOUR FAT ASS.

I've spent a total of 3 hours on the phone, and a total of about an hour trying to find the freaking number to get some service. 

There's your first fault apple. You litter your website with new products that all look the same, but barely spare a glance to guide your loyal customers when they need help. 

So already frustrated, I call you to spend half an hour on hold after being told " it will be no more than 10 minutes, thank you for holding". The only thing I'll be holding is my grudge against you mate. 

the first phone call im meet with a nice guy who's all apologetic and sad for me that ive been hacked. only to slap me in the face saying he cant do shit because he doesnt know if im uyen. 

the only way i can prove myself in this goddamn place, is by answering 3 security questions that i dont even recall having. like sure, maybe its my fault that i dont remmeebr the answer. but surely there must be something else?! he doesn't know, so he says sorry and passes me onto security department. 

Again, I'm faced with a very nice lady whos all apologetic and 'good services RUS :D' only to tell me she cant access anything on my account cause ive been locked out. LIKE NO SHIT LADY, WHY DO YOU THINK IM ON THE PHONE WITH YOU. she tells me to call back tmr :) and its all smiles because that's a fucking genius idea. 

So i call today. once again, im met with a nice and apologetic young man who tells me ooooo i dont know how to fix this because you cant answer the security questions. Let me pass you to the fraud department. Hello what do you know, a really nice young man who's really apologetic tells me how much he feels for me. But then says i cant answer the security questions so bad luck :( 

At this stage, I'm like..mate, hold up. You all yak on about these security questions but what are they? why dont i recall them?

and he tells me, when you make your first purchase with your moolah, itunes will prompt you to create and answer 3 security questions to protect you. this system was only implemented a year ago. 

so i tell him, i have not made purchases with my money from itunes this year. the first purchase was made on the 2nd when i got hacked. would that not mean that person created the security questions? 

he goes all silent and meeps around about how maybe its my family. 

and i tell him NOOOO, THAT MASTERCARD NUMBER IS NOT OURS. 

at this point its hopeless. he said he froze the account and its gonna be that way till i answer the security question. lmfao. you and your goddamn security questions. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IM NOT THE ONE WHO CREATED THEM? 

he then told me that in order to have changed my password, the hacker would have had to answer the security questions.

so i told him, is it then not obvious taht they wrote the security questions then?

so he said, it is company policy to protect the owner of the account so that their details are not changed without answering the security questions. 

he was basically implying that im trying to hack Andrew Phan, our golden boy. the boy with the answers to the security questions!! 

at this point im livid with anger. And the horrible thing about me is that i cry when im superbly angry. my anger and violencebuilds up to just tears. its gay, but i just started sobbing over the phone going WHY CANT YOU DO ANYTHING? YOURE APPLE. YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING OTHER THAN SOME MEASLY QUESTIONS. 

I listed to him the aps i bought, i listed to him the devices connected to it, i listed to him my DOB, my old password, the passowrd to that email, i verified the codes he sent to the devices. but no. 'we need the answer to the security questions' 

YOUR SECURITY QUESTIONS CAN FUCKING SUCK ITS OWN DICK. 

Oh, and just when im not fucking pissed enough, he starts telling me to change the passwords to my otehr accounts in case. So i tell him, surely, if you're telling me this, you must know that im the owner of the account then? what use would it be for me to fucking hack the account of a girl who's been hacked. AT LEAST I AM OF CORRECT GENDER. GIVE ME THAT AT LEAST. 

And as im sobbing my goodbye thank you very fucking much, as consolation he goes that he's sending me information about how to be internet safe. how kind of you sir. someone give the guy a medal. 

urgh what an idiot. then he adds that i can issue a complaint to help improve the apple security in the future if i wish. 

oh ho ho. 

so i ask him. 

'this legendary security question system, it only pops up when you make a purchase on itunes?'

'yes'

'so for someone like me who uses it to just download aps like ibooks and such, wont actually be prompted to install it throughout the time i use it?'

'no, only until you make a purchase of an ap that costs'

'so this hacker that comes in and shoves someone's card in to buy their own random aps, will be prompted?'

'ma'am-'

'HYPOTHETICALLY'

'yes.'

'what happens in that case for the real account owner?'

he doesn't reply

'exactly.

and with the answer to the security questions alone, what can the holder change?'

'Everything.'

YEAH MATE, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. 

i told him that once there was an attempt to steal a useless account i had on some forum. and that it was impossible because it required email activation.

A useless forum is at least able to protect me. 

Or you know, make sure the security questions arent just tehre for when money is involved. This is identity theft. Make sure its completed by the owner itself. someone's gonna find their mastercard is missing hundreds of bucks and point at the identity still listed there : u-yen.hua@hotmail.com

and lmao at the fact that the security questions were only implemented last year. to hell with that man. if they werent in place perhaps i could have hacked my own account to steal myself back. 

my plan now is to go to that address and ask to speak to Andrew Phan. And i'm going tobe calm, because i dont want to cry, thats pathetic. unfortunately, i may have to obtain the expiry date and card number of the mastercard BECUASE I FUCKING NEED THAT NOW TO GET MY ACCOUNT RESET TO ME. 

thats so annoying. ITS NOT MY CARD. but because there's money invovled they want me to verifiy 'my card'. so annoyed. 

I will give that Andrew an earful. My aunty drove past the address and she says that gangsters live there lol. how cool. gangsters playing minecraft, ninja jump and deal or no deal. well i love my email address and i hate the idea that some fucker is using my email account. how dumb can he get. its much faster and easier to create an email account than to hack. you like living on the edge or some shit?

SUNSHINE COME FUCKING AT ME

First blog 2013!

Yesterday was NYE celebrations and I had a lot of fun. 

It started off slow, because the sun was still up and I was still sleepy. :( I got up at like..7!!!! My mum and I picked dad up from the hospital and at home, I decided to continue sleeping. When I got up, I was still sleepy and the sun was still up. 

LOL THIS IS SUCH SHIT STORY TELLING. 

But anyways, I woke up, and decided to eat. And then I scratched my arse. No I'm joking, don't get too excited there! I think I spent the day eating random shit around the house. And I drank shit that I'd left on my bedside table cause I ceebed throwing it out which is probably really unhealthy and unhygienic. SO WHAT, IM A MONSSSTER. 

Come 6 o'clock it was time to get changed and head out to city to see the fireworks. Usually, we're the last to arrive cause we're lazy and slow but when we arrived at Docklands, none of our other families were there.   A quick call confirmed that one side was even lazier than us, and the other side got into a massive argument and all were too stubborn to take initiative and say sorry. Long story LOL. 

So then my mum forced them out. I'm so sorry this is the worst story telling ever. 

But then they came. My cousins were in a bad mood so I decided to cheer them up by whipping out my ahhhhh-mazing orgasmic A-class camera (my shitty iPhone) and take some happy snaps. 

Us inside a tent. My youngest sister, my asian self, cousin, sister, cousin

There's nothing funner than bustling around trying to get the phone upright in time for the flash. I downloaded a fancy ap that takes like 10 photos and shoves it together. We all giggled at how retarded we look. 

It runs in the family

"Look constipated, diarrhea! You're drunk and then VOMIT!" 

We got so caught up that I forgot that we were in a public place, and all around there were people. To talk over the kids, I bellowed out "OK, FOR THIS SHOT, LOOK RACIST!!!" Oh the embarrassment. To explain, I didn't actually mean look racist as in racist. It had nothing to do with racism. It was an inside joke about my uncle and his false interpretation of a movie scene (long story) but the damage had been done. This is our 'racist' look

Sculled this shit

I bought jelly belly beans and cranberry juice. It is my unwritten tradition to buy these two because it's what I buy from the same store EVERY year come NYE.

The fireworks were mediocre this year, but I was amazed nonetheless. It was only 10 minutes long :( I remember during the time John So reigned, fireworks were massive!! 

Afterwards was a race to get home and sleep because nowadays I'm like a pregnant woman, constantly sleeping if something's not in my mouth. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

A side note: who the hell decided this was a great idea. and who the hell went around taking photos of people's front door for security purposes. (its kind of ironic LOL)