The Derpy Durian

Imagine being trapped in a room full of durian meat, flung all over from the ceiling to the floor. Imagine heaps of durian all up in your mouth, a slodge of yellow stink. Now that you're thoroughly grossed out, agree with me in that durians can go about staying in their natural habitat:

A free range Durian. In its natural habitat. 

Note its spiky exterior, warding us off its ugly insides. Even the durian knows its sub par (or maybe its playing hard to get, but I'd go with the former).

This fatass I know describes its smell as like 'crap'. That's because that's what it is. So why bother trying to get acquainted with crap? Crap on a stick, crap in raw flesh, crap in cake...nothing changes it. Why would I spend 'years' trying to adjust to crap when I can spend years eating the best shit in the world? Durian needs to stop trying to fit in!! 'Asian tropical fruit king'? More like Asian tropical fruit jester! 

This fatass also describes its smell as actually being quite 'sour' and 'concentrated sweet' :P. You know what else can be sour and sweet? Vomit. Oh, vomits yellow too. Brother of the bile? 

Fatass, you are correct about the aroma that hits the consumer. But it doesn't end there. After it hits me, it kicks me, scratches me, pulls my hair, flies me to Mars and back. It's a black belt in karate. 

The taste partners well with the smell. It tastes like how it smells. And it feels like regurgitated meat or something...(don't deny it). So I feel like I'm eating a baby bird's dinner. 

Having said all that, I don't like being too harsh on the good ol' fat lumpy, sloppy, grumpy, gloppy, ugly, smelly durian. Fruits' friends are my friends! One thing the durian has going for it though is the affection and support of a fatass. I'm sure the duo are a force to be reckoned with. (One's smelly, one's fat, what could go wrong?)

Me? I'm more into apples, nectarines and strawberries. Cause, bery hot bery hot hot - Hyuna. 

-

NB: I don't loathe durians with a passion. I was just inspired to put forward an opinion on durians. Complete with illustrative pictures (that speak a thousand words), punctuation, grammar and paragraphs. 

Is that durian flesh or an obese maggot?