highs and lows

helllo

i just finished studying for cardiovascular and am getting started on renal. tonight will probably be an allnighter becuase i want to get some proper sleep tomorrow so i dont fall asleep during the mid sem like last time.

some recent issues in my friends' lives recently have made me realise a few things about myself. i basically have zero tolerance for misery. especially misery where i have no ability to aid. i hate hearing 'im depressed' and would rather hear 'im feeling sad.' i would rahter not talk to you at all than hear 'im feeling sad.' i would rather distract you from your misery then let you talk about it to your heart's content. id rather you cry on someone else's shoulder than mine. moods rub off on me so easy so when someone comes to me sad it is such a damper on my own day. lol how selfish of me. i last about two days then im out the door.
to be fair though, when i myself am sad, i just become a recluse and lock myself inside myself until im over it. half of me fails to see what is so hard about that. i guess cause i dont really hurt deeply, i just hurt greatly. if that makes sense. a GIAANT surface area, but insignificant depth :). for now. dun dun DUNNN

fark i get so pissed off sometimes though. this moronic wimp just doesnt know when to make his graceful exit out of my life and has resorted to bitching and whining about me to not only my friends but my work colleagues. like how far do you ahve to go? i know a lot more than you think i know i just havent resorted to anything yet cause youre not worth that much effort. plus you look creepy as fuck.
so stop pulling me out like some story of 'bitch who ruined my life' and be mature. i did not ruin your life. you do a fine job of that yourself everyday. i commend you for finding so much to say about nothing though. good job. but im so fed up of having to clean up after your verbal mess. i never have and never will have any affinity towards you.

and while im riding the negativity train here, why would you give and give where there is nothing to take? and im not talking as in rewards or benefits. im talking giving to a void of space. (i guess thats why imaginary friends died out)

these are some songs i have been listening to this week (the only ones):

on a positive note, my car should be ready for pick up by thursday. i still need to learn how to park :( i dont want to be driving with my dealer in the passenger seat only to make a fool of myself. or smash the car :( which is not really a positive note :(
i dont really remember what my car looks like anymore. nor do i care. all i see is the beetle!!

That's the white one i was one word away from getting (the word was yes over the phone) . with its cute little sun roof and LED lights :) one day my darling. its prettier than the old model.

so many wants, so little moneys!

ok back to study.