bitching about myself

'Hurt comes quickly. And is irreparable.' I wrote that in my Taco 03/01/2012 and thinking back to that time, I cant remember being hurt at all so obviously it goes as quickly as if comes and is verrry repairable. I spent today reading my past diaries, as I sometimes do, because listening to my drabble requires a few sittings.
im very suprised by how much i appreciate reading about the dreams i manage to jot down. i can kind of remember them and recall how i felt in those dreams, like my brain's own little life and ive taken a picture.

what i also notice is that reading back on some of the things that took centre stage in my life at the time hardly even brings back much memories today. so i guess it would not be foolish of me to seize the day because i wont remember it tomorrow anyway. carpe diem the shit out of everything. but im a coward so id rather not confront my inner emotions.

i was also so much less cynical. i read back on some things and now i just think 'wow bitch.' but back then, apparently i felt id just 'caught her on a bad day' or 'somethings really bothering her :('. now its just lets not waste each other's time. if i live to be 50 ill probably be one of those people waving their canes at generation B or whatever.
i also cannot believe i spent 2 pages talking about boysenberry pancakes. and i used to bring tissue boxes into cinemas in case i cried. sooo dramatic wth just get a tissue pack.

im also glad i jotted down the moments that made me laugh.

i also wrote down about my 19th birthday. i hardly remembered that day casue i had a massive D+ but reading about it has me laughing my nuts off. i went shopping that day to try and find something to wear for the dinner that night and everything i wore just felt so wrong until i broke down crying in the dressing room at forever new. it was horrible that day but omg who the hell does that? i spent like ages in the room waiting for my eyes to stop being red. the shop girls mustve thought i was racking something. I concluded the post with 'looking for something I cannot find. Oh what a horrible day.'

LOOL i just read another post. apparently i had a dream where i tried to suicide with 8 aspirin tablets but then at the last second, my friend stopped me and said his brother needed to take half a tablet for his pain. so i folded a clown out of crepe paper (is that possible) and said 'here give that to your brother!' and then i tried to suicide with another drug but then i woke up.

and apparently i was crying at uni and a random guy sat me down and helped me staple my homework. wth why dont i remember this?!

i swear my diary is a bigger joke than the government.