About Me

melbourne, Victoria, Australia
30/03/1993 i like music, reading, minecraft and i like youtube :) nice to meet you, twitter.com/uyenhua

Thursday, July 31, 2014

I don't have insomnia, but I used to think my inability to sleep at night was hell on earth.  Lying there counting down how many hours I've got left before I needed to wake up, knowing everyone else was sleeping and craving the refreshment that comes with a good night rest. And then I started spending it watching youtube,  which meant not sleeping but dedicating all night watching meaningless videos that I don't even remember anymore. Waste of time.
And then I discovered the world of ebooks (I support the written word all the way!) which stopped the countdown of hours till sunrise.
Recently, it has been a godsend in allowing me to battle my own demons without an audience. It's time to make emotional progress, to be my own company and to depend on no one but myself. It's a time to let the bad thoughts come out, it's a time to cry and despair without the need to act out.
Being alone surrounded by darkness is comforting. No one is awake and no one can see all the turmoil. And I am allowed to think of myself. The world is still for now and demands nothing of me, I can let my mind wander. It physically tires me, but it emotionally heals me.
Most of the thoughts that linger with me are the ones from late nights. And conversations are best enjoyed at 4am. 
It doesn't feel so bad when you stop associating yourself with time. Your time on earth stops mattering too, mere existence is enough. How long you're here does not matter, what's valuable is how much the mind can think, the places your thoughts can go. Do we travel because the Mona Lisa is to dieeee for? Do I read because I'm bored out of my brains (yes) or because I FKEN LOVE EDWARD CULLEN (I kid, those days are long gone).

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