poorly structured teenage angst and sarcasm

good day to you blog.
thought id drop by a do a little ol' post. when was the last time i wrote about nothing. um probably yesterday. anyways yeah.
i tried getting into sophie kinsella (she usually alwaaays gets me laughing out loud) but the male coutnerpart just always pisses me off now. even at work im bagging the shit out of the male species with the pharamcist. im telling male friends how much they piss me off too. LOL im becoming a man hater. tiring. im gonna stop myself.

and what is with this weird red bar on youtube thats above the youtube page?

i was in the shower today and my thoughts wandered to my weaknesses. i realised my true weakness is desire (not sex). i want too many things. physically, spiritually and mentally. materialistically, we can all name a billion things we want. but i thought of my goal too. about my homeless shelter. and i realised taht its actually kind of selfish of me. i want one to help the homeless. but why do i want to help the homeless? not becuase i love these people. but becuase myself feels something for hte cause. which is selfish. charitable would be building a foundation for something you have no care for but recognise an importance. why not donate that goal to finding a cure for some deadly disease instead?
its like when people say that when you really love something, you can let it go if it wishes. i swear its worded better then that.
but yeah, i want to build a homeless shelter becuase i desire for these people to have a home. not becuase i recognise the importance of survival right? so i want that self satisfaction of achieving something that i want.
a lot of the things we do are because we wish to. but whats wrong with that.
omg i dot know what im trying to say. like your parents for example may say to you IVE PUT SO MUCH TIME LOOKING AFTER YOU, LOOK AT THE EDUCATION IVE FIVEN YOU. BE GRATEFUL but when you really think deep about it (in your shower lol) you realise that you know what, they do that becuase they love you. so their actions are selfish. their love for you makes them desire care and health for you. theyre not doing it for you (well yes they are), but it is driven by their inabilityt to function otherwise. they are growing you becuase they WANT you to be well. not becuase of you. if htat makes sense. theyre subconsciously trying to survive and that means looking after their emotional desires, which is your wellbeing. the goodside is, you benefit from it. thats just an example. no family troubles.

ive been watching a lot of review/whats in my bag videos. simply becuse i love looking at bags and thinking ot myself 'oh that must smell soooo great'. i bet it does. but hours of that led to videos on how to organise your life using a planner. (stupidest videos ever lol) that led to me watching this proffessional video on how to organise your life. because my life is soooo fucking busy (cue the tumbleweed) the man poses me three questions:
1. what type of person are you?
2. if you could do anything professionally what would it be?
3. if you have 20million bucks in your bank but only have 10 years left to live due to terminal illness what would you do with your life?
Followed by list 10 goals (this is to supposedly help you realise actions you dont need in your life to declutter)
note this was all said by a gray haired man sittig in those brown massive leather chairs with a dark backdrop and a mahogony table looking all PhD and shit.
i personally did not care for any of this but i was brushing my teeth at the time so i couldnt get out of the video. i thought id share it anyway.
the video is followed by a helpline to call him (booty call) for those who just cant sort their shit out after answering those crucial, life-defining questions.


but yeah. as you can tell pessimistic uyen has been coming out to play. i blame the meds. im kind of taking whatever cause i know im way below the max number of tablets in one go. the max is like 6
the pharmacist didnt even fucking counsel me on this or give me my required ancillary label 1. asians. never trust cheap asians.
i havent done any of those weird med blog posts in a while. lets fucking do it now. PRODUCTIVITY IN THE MIDST OF DROWSINESS. actually i change my mind. fucking pissed off.
WHICH REMINDS ME, my neurologist asked me to describe my episodes once again to him and cuase i have poor recollection of what happens (im sleeping ffs) i gave like 1 sentence LOL. and he was like oh ok....come back later and we both laughed as if that was actually very funny. but then later at home i went through my blog posts cuase i remember there was a time when they frightneded me. and i found osooo many privated blog posts describing in exact detail what happens. i even drew a timeline and shit LOLOLFLKJRGL past me was good. what happened

this was meant to be fun.
omg shouldi even post this. yes i fucking should. a blog should be honest full of random thoughts from the post title to the floor. happy days, angry days. days. and middays. and nighttimes.
im angry,im upset. my friend gave me upsetting news before which kind of made me really upset. andusually when im upset i release those flood gates (ie. cry) but i didnt. i just weakly sobbed then went back to watching youtube LOL. but now im not watching youtube. IM FUCKING BLOGGING. and i texted my friend BECAUE IM A FRIEND. CAPS LOCKS OF FOR EMPHASIS. ILL END ON THIS NOTE. FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC.