"no. fuck you
and fuck your bag"

"ive never hated you this much before"

haha im a charmer.


hey blog! sunday night and im just chatting to my friendly friends and listening to trashy music. my legs are sooo sore!
today was actually hectic. i had my relatives from california come visit for a few weeks and today was their return flight. so at 5am, we all scrambled to the airport to farewell them. it was really emotional because it will be years (if ever) before i see these people again. the last time i had seen them was when i was a wee little child so seeing them again and seeing how theyve aged really pulls at your heart strings. their visit here has really bought our extended family together. we live all over victoria so to have everyone reunite is quite fun.
farewelling them was really sad. i was crying so tears were covering my eyeballls so i didnt see anything that was going on. after they went through the gates they stood for a good 10 minutes waving back at us while security laughed their nuts off. hahahaha probaby one of the memories i will never forget. if only i had my glasses. moments like these you kind of just want to take a step back and take a snapshot to store in your heart.
but yeah, once i start crying its really hard to stop so the entire day i just wanted to burst into tears.

after that i had my good friends birthday but i got so upset cuase my friend had made a joke prior about dropping by maccas to pick up the ice cream cake. and becuase im gullible i legit thought we had the cake department covered but no, he was joking. everyone seems to be messing with me lately and its just too much to handle! its constantly putting me on the edge urgh!
having tea with the beloveds has made me realise how much displeasure we have at certain things LOL so i think it was good that we had teh date to pull us up.
and omg i saw so many homeless people :( it was so upsetting. i dont like that they have no home! like wth. you know what its made me realise though, back in the day, there used to be poeple lik emother teresa and stuff who were really well known for helping the less fortunate etc. why dont we have that anymore? or maybe we do but media doesnt give them a glance becuase we care about other things. but there should be some exposure to sober up society. i dunno, like are tehre people that become saints anymore? we havent had a saint in ages right? our last aussie saint is probably mary mackkillop or something. and she had to die for yearsss before they decided she could be one. mannnn.
its like how artists have to die for their pieces to skyrocket in value. which is not that great. but then again a shitty artist could live in ignorance, thinking their art will be very precious when they die when in fact itll just get discarded. i dont think tahts how art works, but roll with it.
speaking of rolls, i need to stop eating so much. im gaining weight at a really alarming rate (4 kilos, 2 weeks) and im blaming my daily peanut butter sandwiches and butter bagels. i dont know how im gonna live without my bagel :( i guess be careful what you wish for. ive spent so long trying to get my scales up now ive overshot and i think its probbaly really hard to lose. maybe if i get the flu or a bad case of gastro i can get rid of it. SOMEONE INFECT ME. but as long as you dont show me a mirror, im cool with it.
im gonna calculate my BMI.so my BMI was 18.8 and it is now 20.9. wow i was borderline underweight. well i think i prefer being underweight LOL. my face looks like a pancake. the banh xeo one.

but yeah thats my life in a nutshell. i dont know how much i want to divulge over this medium. i want to restart a personal diary again. as much as i love you, you seem so impersonal, having the same template for eveyrone and shit. i want to be special and be the only one! i want too many htings now, just makes me sad when i dont get them.

ive also been thinking of sponsoring a child recently. its a dollar a day. which seems to useless. like i dont get it. does the kid get a dollar a day? or does the kid get 40 cents and the rest goes to world vision? i think im gonna do some research to fidn the best way to get money to a kid. i dont even have money to give, but i think im still in a better position then a starving child in africa.
OMG speaking of kids, i keep looking at them. its weird. i wish i was a kid again. i saw a playground today ridden with grotty kids and i was just so envious of their carefree nature. they had nothing to worry about in their life. and they just swing arounda nd eat candy. makes me want to swing around (on a swing) and eat candy. so much ebtter then the shit im doing now (blogging).
pharmacy has also been scaring me. i was reminded that theres only baout 5 weeks left of third year. which really scares me. im only 20 and yet im expected to know all these drugs and therapeutics that directly affect someone's mortality. and pick up on these things. tahts scary. esp when you just wnat to eat candy and be a kid again.

tbh i know whats making me feel so down. but i cant fix it. well i can, but i dont know how to. not when the damage has already been done.
LOL omg that sounded so melodramatic, but its really quite trivial.
anyways im off. i think im gonna settle and read a book or something. then fall asleep cause i havent slept in over 24 hours now which is draining the shizzam out of me.