Placements over!

Hey blog.
Im currently sitting at st patricks cathedral (or so I think its called...[bad catholic practise everyone]) just relaxing a bit. Its been a hectic 2 weeks with my placement , case presentation and upcoming 2 midsems to study for so it feels good to sit down abd just have some time to myself.
The scenery is quite nice, the church looks beautiful and the sound of water lapping from the fountain is quite soothing. Theres a bible quote which im about to poorly misquote [bad catholic practise] 'anyone who drinks the water that I shall give will never be thirsty again" and then theres a sign saying not to drink the water (bad hygiene practice and all). Haha I found that quite funny.

My placement ended about half an hour ago and what an experience its been. I dont think ive ever pushed myself as hard as I have during these 2 weeks. It was a hard two weeks not just because of placement but because it was at the one hospital ive been dreaming to work at. I felt naive for requesting peter mac because id be walking in with 0 experience which would only make me look like a terrible candidate for future.
Everything was certainly new and there were times when I wish it would just be over so id have time to calm down and process everything ive seen.
Now that its over I feel really weird. And emotional. It feels like ive woken up, and I was getting all retarded walking out of peter mac cause who knows if ill ever get the chance again. It feels reallllly really weird walking away from a place youd never think youd have the opportunity to be a part of. Its like if I were to work at the jeffersonian man. Its my jeffersonian. But because its my jeffersonian, I feel like I want to preserve and revel in its feel. I dont like going near my big dreams, cauae then they might shatter.
I feel so thankful for the opportunity to do my placement at peter mac. They told me they can see me as part of their internship which has got to be one of the most touching compliments I have ever received. Just thinking about it has me emotional which is awks cause theres all these tourists around ke taking pics of the water. I dont like tourists taking pictures of church, its a church. Leave it alone!!
But back to my moping soppy corny reflection. Yeah I just feel weird walking out of peter mac. Bittersweet ending to my time there. I really want to work there but I dont feel I should cause I dont think im capable. I know what I can and cant do, and I feel I dont have what it takes to be there. And to apply and get rejected would make me sad in a broken dreams kind of way. Which isnt the best kind of sad to be subject to. Im such a safe player haha.
I already miss all the patients I saw, and I feel so curious about their outcome and how they will be if theyll get discharged, if mr xx with the infection will clear up etc. Oh god these emotions !! Are gonna be the death of me.
Im embarrassing sometimes. And im posting this on my blog too, like a sadistic girl, showcasing my embarrrassing chronicles to anyone who finds this.
But yeah, peter mac. I had a stressful time. But a good kind of stress. Puts pharmacy into perspective. At least for me anyway, since ive been feeling down about it and all.
Its now freezing to death and I cant feel my fingers so im gonna post this then have a walk around (whilst freezing to death) and get bakc to my normal state LOL
Ciao