what do i want

hi.
i just finished confessions of a shopaholic lol. i ceebs writing a review, but slowly, im moving everything to my alternate blog!! its still on private cause theres nothing there and i need to learn how to draw a carrot professionally. ive developed a ranking system for books via carrots! like i rate this book [picture of 4 carrots]. Lol i feel so organised. but i havent done shit yet, so im not going to get excited i swear.
i literally spent an ENTIREEEE night ( i kid you not, AN ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT) trying to find an appropriate URL for my blog. i just sat there in my bed staring into space trying to induce creativity. some ideas i had jotted down were 'bucketofbooks' *taken*, booktalk *taken*, livetoread *no i have a life*. i also felt smug about 'readspeak' cause then i can show off that i've read orwell's 1984 (forgive me) but then that's taken too. probably by someone who reads all those literary masterpieces, as her URL cleaaarly suggests. then i started thinking of books as vodka for your brains which led to really misleading URLs (which were coincidentally all available for the taking), but obviously, no.
so in the end, in really lame tears, i just typed in ************* pressed CREATE BLOG and it went through. I brought this onto myself, so im not gonna complain. pretty sure thats how i created my omgpop username too. (i remmeber potatogirl was taken by someone, i was sooo exasperated so i went along with it)

on a random note, im really quite upset. my mum keeps on thinking im really depressed with my life. which im not. i have a job, im on my way to a stable career, i have friends i love and i enjoy my hobby. but she keeps on going 'oh don't be sad that blahblah' or 'are you sad because blahblah?' 'oh uyen, please dont be sad because of blahblah', 'oh you're not sad because of blahblah are you?' like omg, for the last time, NO IM NOT SAD. i chucked a fit before telling her that you know IM NOT FUCKING SAD?! DO YOU WANT ME TO BE SAD? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SAD? DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME SAD? DO I LOOK SAD? WHY WOULD I BE SAD? NO IM NOT SAD
and then when i tell her im not sad, she then tells me certain things to do or a way to behave so that my sister can become bruce lee meets hulk. She's a grown girl, she doesnt need a personal trainer.
but then i realise saying all that just makes me look sad. but seriously, wth? and she keeps on like, urgh she probably thinks she's my dr phil. newsflash, i dont need one. bring that bloke to me, ill give him some fucking counselling myself. 'if you were a fucking professional counseller, you wouldnt commercialise psychological issues by making a show out of it. its called client confidentiality. privacy, you know? oh and here's some regaine and some more fashionable glasses'. (im assuming he's bald and he wears old fashioned glasses)

minor hiccup aside, i bought this pink spiral book like agesss ago (impulse buy) and ive finally found a use for it. in conf. of a shopaholic, becky at the start wrote down all her purchases, each day. its like the most pointless thing ever, but i really want to do it!! not doing it to save, i dont spend like an animal, but im really curious to see if any patterns emerge. and itll be like storing memories!! one day when im ..in 2014, i can look back and be like 'OHHH UYEN, REMEMBER THAT TIME WE BOUGHT THOSE CRACKERS?' or maybe 'OHHH UYEN, YOU BOUGHT THOSE SHOES FOR $1? NO WONDER ITS BROKEN' or maybe it can be used as evidence before the jury if i get robbed. 'I CLEARLY BOUGHT THOSE HEELS ON THE 10TH OF APRIL!' and i can finally use that notebook. but i might buy a prettier one. it depends how seriously i take this thing. do i write in it as soon as i buy something? cause then ill need one i can carry around, or do i reflect at the end of the day? then it can be ugly and haggard cause no one will see it but me. i might keep it at home otherwise ill feel inclined to buy a lot of shit just to write in a nice book.
its a shame that its not hte start of the year though. it feels dirty and wrong to be starting something in the middle of a month.

i feel like i need a personal diary lol. i cant stop talking lol. which reminds me. i was in the shower the other day and i was thinking about my blog. and i think ive found out what i find most endearing about you.
when we die, everything that's contained inside our brain dies. all our thoughts, our brain synapses and our ratty tatty tales all disappear and no one can vouch for their existence. like sure you can say 'oh uyen once said that the cloud is fat' when the truth is i thought the cloud was bulgy like a fat anaconda. no one will know that! but if its down somewhere, then yes, that thought of mine exists on a corner in this earth. does that make sense? like if i put my thoughts down on you blog for eg. then that thought of mine exists, and it is there for all to see, even long after i am gone. unless blogspot dies, or marks my blog as spam. maybe that's where a diary can come in. but diaries go yellow and require so much effort to write in :(
so in 100 years maybe, when blogspot is still standing, someone might click *go to random blog* if such an option exists and maybe MINE will pop up. and they may read it and go 'oh check this out! theres a uyen who thinks theres a cloud that looks like a fat anaconda'. and just like that, i will be again.